


The end of the f***ing universe

by Heresetrash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hux isn't really a psychopath, M/M, Past Torture, Past Violence, Referenced suicide, Smut, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-05-21 18:45:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14920877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heresetrash/pseuds/Heresetrash
Summary: Hux (thinks he) is a psychopath who has never killed a human being before, but now he's ready to. At Arkanis Academy, he meets Kylo, who hates everyone and has major anger issues. They decide to run away together to escape the conformities of society, and soon enough it turns out that two misfits that feel like they don't belong anywhere, fit well together.AU loosely based on the tv series and comicsThe end of the f***ing world.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AU loosely based on the tv series and comics _The end of the f***ing world._
> 
> September 25 2018: I did a major update on chapter 1. I rewrote a large section of the first part of it. Plotwise, nothing has changed. I simply wanted to rewrite it because I wasn't quite happy with it.
> 
> I also made a few minor changes to all chapters - mostly grammatical (though I'm sure there are more despite having read through this story god knows how many times) and for story flow.

Lieutenant Armitage Hux was standing at ease in front of his father, Commandant Brendol Hux, leader of Arkanis Academy. His hands were clasped behind the back of his grey field uniform, and his black, polished kneehigh boots were shoulder width apart.

“Sir,” he spoke, trying for the third time during this conversation to convince his father, “I believe that my work proves that I am more than worthy of becoming Captain.”

Hux had been a Lieutenant for a year now, but he wanted to be Captain. He _deserved_ to be Captain. He was doing outstanding work and was way ahead of anyone else in his year. He had dared to finally take the issue up with his father, and had already pointed out all the (very good) reasons why he should indeed be promoted.

“I have already told you no twice, Lieutenant,” the Commandant said strictly, and Hux could see that the little patience he possessed for his only son, was dwindling.

Of course he was turning him down - again. Why this came as a surprise to Hux, was a question he couldn’t answer.

“We wouldn’t want anyone accusing us of nepotism now, would we,” his father told him.

“It’s hardly nepotism when I am the best,” Hux protested, failing at hiding the bitterness in his voice.

His father held his hand up to him - a certain sign that their conversation was over. There was no need for him to tell Hux that he was dismissed. That flat palm told him everything he needed to know, and more.

 _“Sir,”_ Hux finally said in defeat, quickly turning on his heel and marching out of the office.

He took long, deliberate strides down the corridor, moving towards the canteen, clenching and unclenching his fists as he went. He was feeling a sudden very strong urge to do something he kept suppressing on a daily basis.

When he was younger, Hux hadn’t realised that his brain worked completely different from everyone else’s. He thought everyone fantasised about inflicting pain on other living beings, but when he was nine years old he had learned it wasn't so.

 

_It was a warm Sunday afternoon, and Hux was at his neighbour’s house, playing with their daughter, Daisy. They had been friends for a while, and used to play together on the weekends. Hux had been told that Daisy was a very pretty girl, and he supposed she was with her wavy blonde hair and large blue eyes. Hux wasn’t interested in that though. What he liked about Daisy was her skin. It looked so soft._

_As usual, Daisy was the one deciding what to play. She was quite bossy, but Hux didn’t mind that she was. However, that day things were a little different. They had been playing pirate and captive for almost an hour; Hux was the captive as usual, and he ended up having to walk the plank, being eaten by sharks. After having died a most horrific and painful death, he turned to Daisy._

_“Do you want to play a new game?” he asked her, his eyes shining with hopeful anticipation._

_“What kind of game?” asked Daisy, a little sceptical._

_Hux stuck his hand into the lining of his trousers, pulling out something he had hidden there, wrapped in a small towel. He unwrapped it to reveal a not particularly big, but sharp knife he had taken from the kitchen that morning._

_“I want to cut you, so I can look at your blood,” he said, smiling._

_Daisy frowned at the knife. “I don’t know. That doesn’t sound like a very fun game.”_

_“If you want, you can cut me first,” Hux told her, and he held the knife out for her to take, handle first like he had been taught._

_“Really?”_

_“Yes. It won’t hurt, I promise,” he told her, still smiling._

_She bit her lower lip, but then she said: “Okay.”_

_Daisy took the knife from him. They sat down on the floor, where Daisy took Hux’s hand in hers and started cutting into it - a shallow, but long cut._

_Hux didn’t even wince when she did it. It didn’t hurt. Pain like that didn’t bother him. Actually, he sort of liked it._

_“Now it’s my turn,” said Hux, taking the knife back from Daisy._

_He took a hold of her chin and put the knife to the soft skin of her cheek. He was almost trembling at what he was about to do, nervousness mixed with excitement. He couldn’t wait to see Daisy bleed for him._

_Carefully, he pushed the knife into Daisy’s skin, and as he did, she screamed. She screamed bloody murder, putting her hands on Hux, trying to push him away. But Hux couldn’t stop now. He was so close to getting what he wanted, so he grabbed an even firmer hold of her face, pushing her onto the floor, where he kept slicing down the side of her cheek. He wasn’t gentle and he wasn’t shy with the knife, cutting deep into the skin, and he was mesmerised as he saw the fresh crimson blood flow freely down her face._

_Just then the door to Daisy’s room slammed open, and Daisy’s mother appeared. Hux looked at her, and she stared back at him like he was some dangerous wild animal. She was on him in milliseconds, pushing him off Daisy and forcing the knife out of his hands._

_Daisy was on the floor crying. She touched the cut that Hux had made, which only made her cry more._

_There was a slap then, straight across Hux’s face, so violent, Hux fell to the floor again himself._

_“You devil child!” Daisy’s mother screamed at Hux. “Keep your hands off my daughter, or I swear to God, I will kill you myself!”_

_There was a lot of yelling, and eventually Hux tuned it out, simply sitting on the floor looking at Daisy’s mother’s mouth moving without hearing any sounds._

_He stood there until Daisy was taken out of the room and until his nanny came to get him._

_“If he’s not severely punished for this, we will call the police,” Daisy’s mother told Hux’s nanny, who nodded in a very severe manner._

_Hux was dragged out of Daisy’s house and home by the ear. There, he was made to bend over one of the chairs in the living room, baring his naked bottom, as his nanny spanked him repeatedly with a stick._

_She said, “Be grateful your father is away at the Academy. He would have used something much bigger than this stick to spank you. I’m not sure you would have survived it. Perhaps you wouldn’t have deserved to. And your mother… She would’ve been so disappointed in you.”_

_She kept spanking him, again and again. Even when the flesh of Hux’s bottom was raw, she kept at it. But Hux never cried or begged her to stop. He didn’t make a single sound._

 

Hux never did that again. He wanted to, but he understood that he was different. He didn't think or feel like others did, and his ways clearly weren't accepted. So he learned to adapt, mimicking the ways of those around him to fit in. It wasn’t hard. He was good at pretending.

Entering the canteen, Hux took a deep breath, before he once again pushed away his anger and his need to hurt others - at least far enough for it not to show on his face. He picked up a food tray, stacked it with today’s lunch (a nondescript type of meat, brown rice and some overcooked vegetables). As military etiquette required, he politely nodded to a couple of other officers he passed on his way to an empty table.

He didn’t want to talk to people when he was like this. He didn’t want to keep up some nonsense conversation about everyday mediocrities that didn’t, never had nor ever would interest him. Instead, he ended up spacing out - staring blankly at his own food as his mind wandered far away.

It wasn't always easy to keep his urges in check, and there were times when he had to let into them. Like that time when he was fourteen and he had gone to his teacher, Mr. Marshall’s house and taken his dog, Biko, into the woods and beaten it to death with a rock. The next day at school, Mr. Marshall had told the class how his dog of almost eleven years had ran off, and while everyone had offered their sympathies, Hux had sat there smiling.

He hadn’t killed a human being yet, but he had thought about it. Quite a lot actually. Every so often, the thought of slamming someone’s head into a wall until their skull crushed and blood spattered everywhere, would come to him. And the urge of doing that was stronger than ever at this very moment. He wanted to do it. No, more than that, he _needed_ to do it. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. He didn’t _want_ to hold it back anymore.

The sound of a food tray hitting the table, tore Hux out of his train of thought. Hadn’t he been trained to expect the unexpected, he would have jumped at the sudden noise. Instead, he simply looked at the young man who had sat down opposite him with a distasteful expression.

Although sitting, Hux could see that he was tall. He was broad-shouldered, almost freakishly so, telling Hux that he was one of those cadets that spent a lot of time in the gym lifting weights. He probably overdid it, and he probably showed off while doing it. (Hux was a running man himself.) His face was long, with rough features: thick angry brows, watchful brown eyes, and a prominent nose. His plump lips seemed out of place in relation to the rest of his features. He had several moles spread across his face, making him stand out, and Hux would perhaps have found him interesting to look at if it wasn’t for his screaming unregulated haircut. The cadet’s hair was dark brown, almost black, wavy and unruly, and it was only a couple of centimetres away from reaching his shoulders. Never in his time at the Academy had Hux seen anyone with a haircut like that. It was against the rules, and Hux wasn’t particularly fond of anyone breaking the rules. Not because they were breaking the rules per se, but because Hux couldn't. If he was to be confined to following the rules of the Academy and society, then everyone else should bloody well have to as well.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing, cadet?” Hux sneered at the stranger.

The cadet met Hux’s eyes with a bored expression on his face. “What the fuck does it look like I’m doing?”

Hux’s hand tightened around his fork. The nerve of this cadet was unbelievable.

“You can’t just sit down at my table,” Hux informed him with a steely voice, although he shouldn’t have to. The very visible rank insignia on his left chest pocket should tell the cadet that he could not behave in this manner.

The cadet looked around him. “Oh, I’m sorry, am I bothering your imaginary friends?”

Hux flashed an angry look at him, the urge to stab his fork through the cadet’s hand, strong. “I am your superior, cadet, and you will address me as such.”

The young man rolled his eyes before going back to his food. “No, you’re not.”

Hux was just about to rain all Hell down upon him, but before he could, the cadet spoke again. “I’m on Project Harvester. I can sit wherever the fuck I like.”

At those words, Hux’s demeanor immediately changed. He didn’t know that much about Project Harvester, but he knew that it was a special operation with a high security clearance attached to it. It was the sort of operation that everyone at the Academy knew existed, but no one knew what really did. Naturally, this made for all kinds of speculations, from people believing them to work with aliens to thinking they had supernatural powers. All nonsense, of course. More likely, they were ghosts: special trained forces, taught to move and kill silently. Hux eyed the man in front of him. He could probably easily choke someone with just one of those large hands.

Hux should have been annoyed that someone was talking to him like this - even if they were part of a special operation that paid no attention to regulation haircuts or rank. Normally, he would be annoyed _because_ of that fact. However, he found himself calming down as a thought crossed his mind.

What if he killed this man?

Hux gave the man in front of him a cool smile. “My apologies. I’m Lieutenant Hux.”

The dark-haired man looked up from his food and said, “I’m Kylo. No title.”

Hux finally started on his food then, which had gone cold by now, and he only took a few bites of it before he put his cutlery down, pushing the tray away from him. Instead, he looked at Kylo. He wondered how he should kill him. He would have to be careful, of course. Not just because he couldn’t get caught, but because Kylo was likely a very skilled fighter. Hux had to be sneaky about this if he wanted to make it happen. Perhaps he could make it look like an accident? That wasn’t a bad idea, but it wasn’t as tempting as being more hands on.

“What the fuck are you looking at now?” Kylo suddenly said, and Hux realised he had been lost in thought again.

“You certainly have a mouth on you, don’t you,” Hux answered, raising a ginger brow at him.

“I do,” said Kylo, shoveling food into that very mouth as if he had never eaten before. “Do you want to try it?”

“Pardon?”

Kylo stopped eating and put his knife and fork down. “My mouth,” he said, looking Hux dead in the eye. “Do you want to try it? I give pretty good head.”

Hux was glad he wasn’t eating at the moment, because if he was, he would surely have choked on his food. He couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of Kylo’s mouth. No one spoke like that. You didn’t say such things to people. At least not in public.

“Are you mad?”

“I don’t think so,” answered Kylo.

“Just crude then,” said Hux, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

It wasn’t that Hux wasn’t interested in a blowjob. He would quite like one actually, as they were a rare commodity at the Academy, and it had been quite a while since the last time he had gotten one. He made due on his own, but it wasn’t the same.

“So that’s a no?” Kylo asked, eyebrows raised.

“You do realise that asking the wrong person that question around here, could get you beaten up?”

“I’m not worried.”

“Clearly not.”

Hux could understand why. As he had already calculated from his height, breadth and the traces of bulging biceps under his uniform, Kylo was certain to hold his own in a fight.

They didn’t say anything more to each other. Hux could have left, but he decided to stay. If he was going to kill Kylo, it was important to give the impression that he wanted to be his friend.

 

* * *

 

Two days later, Hux was in the library, studying. He was bent over his notes when he felt a very clear presence behind him. Slowly, he turned around to see a now familiar man with an unregulated haircut standing behind him.

“Lieutenant Hux,” Kylo addressed him.

“Good afternoon, no title Kylo,” Hux greeted him back.

Kylo glared at him. “Fuck off.”

Hux smirked at him. “Are you suddenly bothered by rank?”

“I’m bothered by smartasses,” retorted Kylo.

“Then why on Earth are you talking to me?” Hux smirked. It seemed it was very easy to get Kylo riled up, and Hux found it amusing.

Kylo turned his face down for a few seconds, his hair falling in front of his face, and Hux could see him taking a deep breath. When he looked at him again, he didn’t seem angry anymore.

“You never answered my question,” said Kylo, changing the subject.

“What question is that?”

“Do you want a blowjob?”

“Why are you so insistent on giving me a blowjob?” Hux asked, narrowing his eyes. “Are you some kind of sex addict?”

“No, I just think you’re hot,” Kylo shrugged.

Hux frowned. “Is that all?”

“What more do you want?”

Hux thought about it. There wasn’t really anything more he wanted. Or needed. A casual blowjob was perfect. Followed by an awful accident resulting in Kylo’s death. For a brief second, he wondered if he could possibly make Kylo choke to death on his cock, but he quickly let the thought go. It was way too risky.

“Fine,” he sighed. “You can give me a blowjob.”

The briefest of smiles crossed Kylo’s face. “Then lead the way.”

“Not _now,_ ” said Hux, although he did appreciate the enthusiasm. “This evening at seven. I’m in hall B, room 512.”

 

* * *

 

Hux spent the rest of the afternoon contemplating how to kill Kylo, and after having gone through and discarded a couple of alternatives, he had decided that he would follow Kylo out to the staircase and push him down them. They were steep, and more than one person had tripped and fell down them before. No one had died from it yet, but there was a first time for everything. He would do it after the blowjob, of course. Anything else would be a waste.

Hux honestly wasn’t sure whether Kylo would show up that evening. No matter how confident and determined he had come across in the library, it seemed a little too good to be true. In other words, Hux was hoping for a blowjob, but expecting having to take care of himself.

He was somewhat surprised therefore, when at seven o’clock sharp, there was a knock on his door. Hux opened it, and found Kylo outside, his unruly hair having been tied back into a ponytail. It was a little better than keeping it loose, but only just.

“I wasn't certain you would come,” Hux confessed.

“Why not? I always keep an appointment,” said Kylo, almost offended.

Hux was satisfied with the answer, but said, “I don’t know that. I don’t know _you._ ”

“You’re about to though, aren’t you? If you’ll let me in.”

Hux moved out of the way, letting Kylo into his room. As he passed him, Hux could see how big he actually was. Hux was tall, but Kylo was taller than him by maybe five centimetres, and the span of his shoulders and chest were almost twice the width of Hux’s narrow frame.

Once inside the room, Kylo looked around him. “This is a really nice place.”

Hux took his words as a joke. His room was a standard issue junior officer’s room. By the window was a desk and on the left wall a bed; on the opposite wall a closet and a drawer, and in the one corner by the door, a sink. It was somewhat bigger than the cadets’ rooms, but only by a little. When he needed a shower, he still had to use one out in the hall, but the junior officer’s floor had two more showers than the cadets’ floors.

“It’s really nothing special,” said Hux and meant it.

“Mine isn’t like this,” Kylo continued.

“No? What is yours like?” Hux wasn’t particularly interested, but he asked anyway.

“Smaller. Darker.”

Hux frowned a little at the answer. “Do you have a room on the lower levels then?”

“Something like that.”

Kylo walked over to Hux’s desk and looked at the neatly placed papers and books laid upon it. He picked up one of them, _A farewell to arms_ , and looked at it.

“Do you read this?” he asked.

“Obviously,’ answered Hux.

“Why?”

“It’s a good book.”

“It’s shit,” said Kylo, defiantly.

Hux stared at him blankly, before snapping the book out of his hands. “Then don’t read it.”

Leaning past Kylo to put the book back down on his desk, he found himself suddenly very close to him. Kylo didn’t move, instead locking eyes with him. There was a light tingling sensation by Hux’s right temple; so subtle he barely noticed it.

This would probably be a good time to get that blowjob going, Hux thought, and mere seconds after there was a pair of lips on his and a hand working at his belt buckle.

Hux wasn’t normally too fond of making out, or any other types of foreplay. No one ever seemed to be able to do it for him like that, so he preferred to just _get on_ with it. But as Kylo’s other hand unexpectedly opened his uniform and his mouth moved downwards, taking one of his nipples between his teeth and biting down on it, he found himself reacting in a whole new way.

“Ah!” he let out in sheer surprise, feeling a rush of heat going straight to his cock.

Kylo’s hand was there to take care of Hux’s quickly growing erection, rubbing at it lightly on the outside of his trousers. Hux pushed towards him, craving friction, and Kylo obliged, squeezing his cock with his large hand while simultaneously taking another delicious bite at his nipple.

“Shit,” Hux mouthed.

Kylo, taking control, pushed Hux down on the bed and got on his knees. Hux watched him as he worked his cock out of his trousers, letting it spring free from the confinements of his underwear. Roughly, Kylo tugged Hux’s trousers and underwear down his legs, and Hux bit his lower lip as Kylo took a firm hold of his thigh with one hand and wrapping the other around his cock, bending down to take it in his mouth.

Hux hadn’t been sure what to expect from the blowjob. The few he had experienced earlier had been satisfactory, but not mind blowing, lacking in communication and experience. But somehow, with Kylo, Hux didn’t even need to direct him. He seemed to know exactly what Hux liked - how firm, how fast, how partly painful. At the peak of it, Hux found himself gripping hard at the sheets on his bed, squirming as he lost himself in his orgasm. He spilled into Kylo’s mouth, who took it all, swallowing it down.

Panting, Hux looked down at Kylo after, who still sat between his legs, holding onto his thighs.

“I told you I gave good head,” he said cocky, knowing full well how he had performed.

“I’ll say,” said Hux, not wanting to move from his spot on the bed. He was too spent, too satisfied. “Is this what you learn at Project Harvester?” he added, jokingly.

Kylo looked at him, his eyes suddenly dark. “No,” he answered firmly. He rose to his feet, towering over Hux on the bed. “I have to go.”

“Okay,” was all Hux said as he watched the other man straighten out his uniform and leave the room.

Only later, when Hux was in the shower, did he realise he had neglected to follow Kylo to the stairs so he could push him down them. But he wasn’t too bothered by it. He could put off killing him for a little while. There was no rush.

 

* * *

 

Hux slipped into a strange routine with Kylo after that evening. Around noon, they would eat their lunch together in the canteen, and in the evenings Kylo would come to him, give him an amazing hand- or blowjob, and then he would leave. Kylo never asked for anything in return and they didn’t talk that much, which was fine with Hux. All in all, it was quite the satisfactory arrangement. It was almost too bad that Hux would have to kill him.

About three weeks into their arrangement, Kylo sat down with Hux at lunch, slamming his tray so hard down on the table, that the sauce from his food splattered everywhere.

Hux noticed how the people at the neighbouring table stared at Kylo, who, in turn, glared back at them. “ _What?!”_ he challenged them. “What the fuck are you looking at? Did you get new sets of eyes for Christmas and you have to fucking try them out?”

Clearly threatened by his behaviour, everyone at the neighbouring table suddenly became very interested in their food.

Kylo sat down, and Hux found himself smiling smugly at what he had just done.

“I fucking _hate_ people,” said Kylo, attacking the dry chicken in front of him with his fork and brutally slicing it with his knife.

Hux nodded. This was something he could actually relate to. People were awful. They were annoying, stupid and took up all too much space in the world.

“They just don’t get it, you know? How the universe works. They’re so absorbed with their own tiny insignificant shitty lives, they don’t see anyone or anything else.”

This was the most Kylo had spoken to Hux so far, and he was suddenly serious, even profound. Hux was almost intrigued. At the very least, he found his viewpoints refreshing.

When, after a while, Kylo had calmed down a little, Hux asked, “Would you like to go for a walk?”

Kylo looked up from the massacre on his plate, turned to look out the windows behind him, then back at Hux. “It’s pissing down outside.”

“It’s always pissing down outside. This is Arkanis,” Hux pointed out.

Five minutes later, they were both in their foulweather gear, complete with hooded, waterproof coats and facemasks to keep them dry and warm. In Arkanis, it was raining close to every day, and it was raining a lot. When it wasn’t pouring down, like now, it was drizzling. Sun and blue skies rarely occurred. The fact that Arkanis was by the coast, didn’t help the weather conditions. There was always a strong wind, making it seem like it was raining horizontally.

Hux led Kylo past the main building of the Academy, towards the steep cliffs leading down to the shore. It was slippery there, and extremely dangerous. One small misstep, and you would plummet to your death. This was, of course, what Hux counted on. It shouldn't take much for him to push Kylo off.

They walked in silence. Even if they had anything to say, it would be difficult to hear the other over the nasty weather and through their facemasks. A couple of hundred metres away from the main building, Hux felt something grab his right hand. He looked down at it and found that Kylo was holding it. Puzzled, he shifted his eyes to Kylo, who was staring straight ahead of him. He didn’t know how he was supposed to react to this, but he knew, of course, that couples held hands.

Was that what they were now? Was that what Kylo thought? Was that what he wanted? This thing they had wasn’t a relationship as Hux had observed it between others. Kylo wasn’t quite like others though, and Hux certainly wasn't. But having Kylo believe that they were indeed a couple, would probably benefit Hux. He assumed it meant that Kylo trusted him.

The two of them reached the cliffside hand in hand, stopping a couple of metres away from the edge. Hux gazed out over the raging gunmetal-coloured sea. It was low tide, and if he pushed Kylo now, his body would smash to the sandy shore below. He wondered what position he would end up in.

The light tingling sensation at Hux’s temple, was back, but Hux didn’t notice its presence. He did however, notice how Kylo, with a forceful move, suddenly grabbed him and turned him around to face him.

Ripping his own facemask off, Kylo said, “Let’s get out of here.”

Hux stared at him. “What?” he asked, then realised it was difficult for Kylo to hear him through the thick facemask. He removed his too. “What?” he repeated.

“I’m serious. Let’s get the fuck away from this shithole Academy.”

Kylo looked him straight in the eyes, and Hux could see that he wasn’t joking. “I hate it, you hate it. Everyone around here are assholes.”

“I don’t -" Hux began.

“Don’t lie,” Kylo interrupted. “You fucking hate this place just as much as I do. I can see it on you - how you look at everyone. This place is beneath you.”

Hux swallowed, feeling slightly exposed all of a sudden. He wasn't used to people being able to read his true intentions like this. Kylo was right. He _did_ hate the Academy. He hated following its rules and routines, day in and day out, as if he was part of some mindless herd of sheep.

Temptation so strong it was physically pricking the palms of his hands, Hux still managed to say, “We can’t just go awol. They’ll report us.”

“How long will it take before they notice we’re gone?” asked Kylo. “Before they report us?”

Hux shrugged. “I don’t know about you, but for me, anything from a couple of hours to the morning after.”

“So if we leave after dinner, you won't be missed until tomorrow morning.”

Hux didn’t know what to say. For the first time in his life, he was in a situation he wasn't sure how to handle. Most of the time he simply didn't care, which made any situation easy to deal with. But the offer on the table would change everything, if he decided to take it. He didn't know what Kylo had planned, or if he had a plan at all, and that both excited and scared him a little at the same time. He liked to be in control, but there was a certain enticement to throwing caution to the wind.

What would his father say?

Oh, he would be so angry. Imagine the shame. His own son running away from the Academy.

“Look,” said Kylo. “I’m going, whether you come with me or not. Are you in?”

And then Hux found himself saying _all right_ , because that was what he wanted to.

 

* * *

 

They were going to meet up again after dinner, but before they did that, Hux thought it would be useful to bring a few things. He packed a backpack with some civilian clothes he could change into, and made sure to bring his wallet. He had enough cash to last him for at least a little while. He purposefully left his phone. It would be too easy to trace.

Then he went to his father’s office, whom he knew wouldn’t be there right now. Hux had long since made a copy of the keys to his father’s office and gun safe (for convenience), and he had no problems getting into either of them. He decided to take the Glock, a personal favourite of his, and also the gun he knew his father liked the best. It would piss him off a little extra when he noticed that it was gone. Before locking up the gun safe again, he took as many bullets as he could find.

Just as he was about to leave the office, the door opened, revealing his father.

“Armitage!” he let out in surprise, clearly not expecting to find his son inside his locked office.

Hux eyed him warily, wondering what he would do. He was holding the Glock in his right hand behind his back.

“What are you doing here? How did you get in?” he asked, suspicion in his voice.

“I was looking for you,” Hux lied easily. “The door was open, so I walked in.”

“I remember very clearly that I locked the door.” He looked at Hux closely. “Why are you carrying a backpack?”

Hux was busted, and he had expected nothing less from his observant father. He had only hoped he wouldn’t show up, because now he was a hindrance he had to get rid off.

“I would say I’m sorry for doing this, but I’m really not,” said Hux.

His father gave him a confused look, before Hux pulled the Glock out from behind his back, slamming it into the side of his father’s head with precision, making him slump to the floor. The hit gave him a small cut, and specks of blood dripped onto the floor.

Hux looked around him quickly, noticing a set of earphones on his father’s desk. He took them and tied his father’s hands behind his back with them. For good measure, he also took one of his gloves out of his pocket and stuffed it into his father’s mouth. It wasn’t much, but it meant it would take his father just that little while longer to call for help when he came back to himself.

He met up with Kylo outside the main entrance, the two of them making their way towards the exit. Hux walked purposefully towards the gate, but he knew they would be stopped.

“You two, wait! Do you have permission to leave the grounds?” one of the guards said. If it wasn't for her voice, it would have been difficult to know that she was female in her shapeless foulweather gear.

Hux turned to the her. “Yes, we have explicit permission from the Commander himself.”

She opened her mouth to say something, no doubt going to ask for the permission form that was _always_ required for leaving the Academy’s area. But before she could, Hux pulled his hood down so she could see his entire face, and most importantly, his ginger hair. Hux was very similar in looks to his father, and it was evident whose son he was, even to those who didn't initially know.

“We have explicit permission from my father,” he stated, staring the guard down with cold, green eyes.

Hux never used his name or relation to his father purposefully at the Academy. Quite the opposite. But this time he would take full advantage of it.

The guard looked a little uncertain as she said, “You’re supposed to have the permission form, sir.”

Hux gave her a stiff smile. “We assumed it wouldn't be a problem. However, if it is, you can call the Commander directly and ask. I’m sure he’ll be delighted to be disturbed at this hour.”

The guard’s eyes flicked between Hux and Kylo. She then looked at the other guard, who turned away, clearly not wanting to even deal with this situation.

“Okay, fine,” the guard finally said. “You can go.”

Hux nodded at her, and he and Kylo passed through the barrier gate.

When they had walked for a few minutes, Hux spoke, “Remember how I said no one would notice we were missing until next morning?”

Kylo nodded.

“It will probably take a little less time than I originally calculated.”

“Because of the guards?”

“No, because I ran into my father after dinner, and he noticed that something wasn’t right. So I knocked him out.” Hux purposefully didn’t mention the gun. Kylo didn’t need to know that.

Kylo just stared at him.

“He likely won’t come to in a little while, but when he does -”

Hux wasn’t sure how Kylo would react to the news of what he had done, and he certainly hadn’t expected him to laugh. But that’s what he did.

"I’m impressed,” he said when he finally stopped laughing.

Hux scowled at him. “Don’t be. I lost us time.”

“Whatever,” said Kylo.

“Whatever?”

“Yeah, we’re out. It’s fine.”

Maybe they were fine, or maybe they were screwed. Hux had no idea. He didn’t know where they were going or how he was going to kill Kylo now, but he had just knocked his father out and ran away from the Academy, and that was definitely the start of something completely different.


	2. Chapter 2

They barely made the last train from Arkanis that evening, having to run through the small station across to platform two, jumping onto the train just as its doors closed. There were hardly any other people on it, and Hux and Kylo found an empty car.

“I’ll just use the restroom to change,” said Hux. “You have to get out of that uniform too. It’s way too obvious.”

“I don’t have any other clothes,” said Kylo.

“You didn’t bring anything?” Hux asked, a little exasperated.

“No, I literally don’t have anything else than my uniforms.”

“How can you not have any other clothes?”

“I just fucking don’t,” he said defensively, his voice gaining in volume.

Hux really didn’t want Kylo to throw one of his fits on the train and attract attention. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll find a clothing shop and buy you something,” he said to deescalate the situation.

Kylo looked at him with dark eyes. “I don’t have any money either.”

Of course Kylo didn’t have any money. Hux sighed, “I have money.”

“I don’t want your money.”

“Perhaps not, but you’ll take it anyway, because you can’t wear that,” Hux gestured to his uniform. “In the meantime, you can borrow something from me. I brought a couple of jumpers.”

“They won’t fit,” Kylo pointed out, sourly.

“It’ll probably be a little tight, but it’ll have to do for the moment.” Out of his backpack, Hux pulled a dark blue jumper that was a little loose on him, and threw it to Kylo. “You can go change first. I’ll wait here.”

While Kylo was in the restroom changing, Hux’s mind once again wandered to killing him. He wondered what Kylo would sound like when he did it. Would he scream? Or would he be silent? Hux supposed it depended on how he would end up doing it - how much pain he would inflict before the final blow. He imagined the shock and fear in Kylo’s eyes as he realised Hux was about to kill him. It was a satisfying thought. He really needed to find a place where he could do it. Perhaps they could check into a cheap hotel; somewhere they didn’t ask too many questions about how and why they were there.

Kylo returned from the restroom in Hux’s jumper. It was too short on the arms and only just reached the lining of his trousers. It clung to him like a second skin, showing off every muscle in his upper body, which he was lacking none of. This was the most Hux had seen of Kylo’s body so far, as he had never taken his clothes off all those times he had come to Hux’s room at the Academy. Hux hadn’t thought about it then because his head had naturally been elsewhere, but it was really quite strange how he hadn’t done that. He had never uttered any wish for Hux to return the blowjob favours either, which Hux had been fine with, because why would he put work into that when he didn’t have to? But it was odd, because what man wasn’t interested in a blowjob? There had to be something wrong with him.

“Don’t laugh,” said Kylo, tugging at the edge of one sleeve awkwardly, suddenly seeming very insecure.

“I’m not,” said Hux, and he wasn’t. He got up from his seat and brought his backpack with him.

In the restroom, he changed out of his uniform and into his civilian clothes: a simple pair of jeans and a maroon jumper. He splashed some cold water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror. He wondered if he should grow a beard. He had always wanted one, as he presumed it would hide his boyish features, but he had never been able to grow one as long as he was at the Academy.

When Hux opened the door back into the car he and Kylo had settled in, he immediately became aware of a commotion.

“- if you weren’t such a fucking cunt!” Hux heard Kylo’s voice say loudly.

This wasn’t good. He sped up to get back to Kylo, who he found standing in the middle of the car, arguing with a middle aged woman who could only be the ticket inspector. A very distressed and threatened ticket inspector.

“What seems to be the problem here?” Hux broke into the conversation as gracefully as he could.

“She wouldn’t fucking wait for you! I told her you were in the restroom and had money to pay for our tickets, but she didn’t have the fucking time for that, did she, because the train is so full of people!” Kylo raged, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

The ticket inspector stared at Kylo with large eyes. She was clearly afraid of him, and Hux couldn't blame her. She was probably right to be afraid. Who knew what he was capable of if he got angry enough.

She turned to Hux, looking relieved to see another person. “Are you traveling with this young man?” she asked him, her breath short.

“Yes. Yes, I am. And I have money to pay for our tickets,” answered Hux reassuringly, putting his hand into his backpack to retrieve his wallet.

“It’s a little late for that,” said the ticket inspector.

“What? What do you mean?” asked Hux.

“You’re friend’s behaviour is completely unacceptable, and the train company has a zero tolerance for passengers acting this way,” she explained to Hux in a somewhat shaky voice. Her eyes darted over to Kylo, keeping an eye on his movements, as if she was afraid he would pounce on her any second.

“Fuck you,” Kylo told her, and she instinctively took a step back from him.

Hux shot him a _calm down_ look, then turned to the ticket inspector again. “I truly apologise, ma’am,” said Hux as politely as he could. “Isn’t there any way we can sort this out?”

“No,” she stated. “You’re getting off at the next station.”

“What the fuck?!” Kylo exploded. “You can’t throw us off the fucking train!”

“I can, and if you don’t get off voluntarily, I will call the police.”

The word _police_ seemed to have an almost magical effect on Kylo. He snapped his mouth shut and turned away, burying his hands in the pockets of his trousers.

Ten minutes later, Kylo and Hux got off at a station which could only be described as being in the middle of nowhere. They watched as the train drove off without them, leaving them alone in the dark in a place none of them knew where was.

“Shit,” said Kylo.

“You think?” Hux spat back, looking around him.

The place was barely a village, and he couldn’t see any signs that read _Hotel_ or _Bed & breakfast_. It was late, it was getting cold, and they needed a place to sleep. Determined to find some place, any place, Hux started down the road that ran along the train tracks. Kylo followed him in silence.

They had walked for maybe half an hour, when Hux spotted a small farm off the road. The lights were off in the main building, telling him the owners were likely asleep. Next to the house was a small barn. It would do for tonight.

They snuck into the building, and Hux thanked the heavens that this was a vegetable and not an animal farm, so he didn’t have to sleep with cows or sheep or anything of that nature. As he watched Kylo settle into a corner of the barn, he realised that this would have been a perfect place to kill him. But he only had the gun, and that would make way too much sound. And he couldn’t exactly strangle Kylo either. He wouldn’t be able to. He was too big for him.

He needed a knife.

Still angry, Hux lied down in the corner opposite from Kylo, as far away from him as possible. He didn’t even want to look at him after the stunt he had pulled on the train.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Hux and Kylo found themselves by the side of the road, trying to hitch a ride. Kylo had been at it for almost half an hour already, insistent that he’d be the one hitching. He was failing miserably. Hux was glad it was spring and that they were out of Arkanis, so that they were neither cold nor wet.

When yet another car sped past him, Kylo threw his arms up in the air.

“Why isn’t anyone stopping?” He kicked at a rock, and it flew into the edge of the forest a few metres from where Hux sat waiting in the grass.

Hux raised an eyebrow at him. “Probably because you look like you could murder someone with your bare hands.”

“What the fuck?”

“Well, you do. Just look at yourself. Do you even know how big and scary you look? Did you not see the ticket inspector last night? She was terrified. Everyone you talk to are terrified.”

Kylo scowled at him. “Not you.”

“No, not me,” said Hux, meeting his eyes to underline his statement.

He got up from the ground and pushed past Kylo. “Let me do it,” he said and stretched his arm out to the road, thumb up, indicating he wanted a ride.

While he was standing there, Hux felt the tingling sensation at his temple again. With his other hand, he rubbed the side of his head absentmindedly.

He had maybe stood there for a couple of minutes when an old Ford pickup truck came around the bend. It slowed down and came to a complete stop next to him. The driver, a man in his mid fifties in somewhat shabby clothing, rolled his window down.

“Where are you lads headed?” he asked.

“South,” answered Hux. “As far as you can take us.”

“Sure,” the man said. “Get in.”

They got in the car: Kylo in the back and Hux settling in the passenger seat in the front. It wasn’t a well kept car. It was dirty, with gum wrappers and other trash on the floor, and it stank of old cigarette smoke.

“I’m Ed, by the way. What are your names?” the man enquired.

Hux paused for a moment, unsure what to answer. It might not be wise to use his real name.

“I’m Ben,” Kylo said from the backseat, thankfully having the same idea as Hux.

“And I’m Bill,” said Hux.

“Ben and Bill, huh,” Ed said in cheery voice. “Ben and Bill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water -”

Hux turned his head so fast in Ed’s direction, it was a miracle his neck didn’t snap. With all the civility he could muster, while simultaneously suppressing a great need to scream, he said, “Please don’t.”

Ed chuckled. “Didn’t like that, eh? I was only messing with you two.”

Hux was able to plaster a stiff smile onto his face.

“Why didn’t you lads take the train anyway? It’s much faster.”

“We were planning to, but -" Hux began.

“We got robbed,” Kylo broke in.

“No? Did you really?” asked Ed in genuine shock. “I can’t believe that. Two strong fellas like yourselves.” He glanced at Hux, and added, “Well…”

Kylo snorted, and Hux turned in his seat to give him a sour look. Hux might be slim, but he was stronger than he looked. Just because he wasn’t built like a battle tank, like Kylo, didn’t mean he couldn’t pack a punch. Besides, brains were more important than brawn, and he took great pride in his intelligence. Ed the idiot had no idea what Hux was capable of. If he wanted to, he could pull his gun out right now and shoot him in the head. Hux imagined how his blood would decorate the driver’s side window before he would slump over the steering wheel, dead.

But as much as he wanted to do that right now, he obviously wasn’t going to, because unlike Ed, he wasn’t an idiot, and he wasn’t quite ready to get himself killed in the process.

“What happened?” asked Ed, and Hux noticed he was addressing Kylo via the rearview mirror, instead of him, which Hux was perfectly fine with.

“It was horrible,” lied Kylo. “There were four of them, and one of them held Bill at gunpoint, forcing him to give them all our money. They even took my bag with all my clothes. I wanted to do something, but in all honesty, I froze. I couldn’t do anything but stand there and watch what they did to Bill.”

“Christ,” said Ed, obviously taken by Kylo’s story, and Hux had to admit it wasn’t a bad one.

“Yeah, it was awful. We’re on our way down south to visit some friends and have a good time, but this put a stopper to the fun, to put it mildly.”

Ed shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe people do these kinds of things. Are you going to be alright though?”

“I don’t know,” said Kylo, hanging his head. He was actually a really good liar.

Then Kylo did something strange. He put his hand on Ed’s shoulder, and he said, “Any help would be appreciated.”

Ed blinked then, suddenly seeming far away. “Of course. Whatever you need.”

There was silence in the car the rest of the way, which Hux greatly appreciated. Ed let them off in the centre of the city they had entered, but before he drove off, he took out his wallet, pulled out all the cash in it (which was a fair amount) and handed it to Kylo.

“What was that?” asked Hux when Ed had left them.

Kylo looked at Hux with an innocent expression. “What was what?”

 _“That,”_ said Hux sharply, pointing to the cash Kylo was pocketing as they spoke.

Kylo shrugged. “I can be pretty persuasive when I want.”

Hux stared at him in disbelief. How could Kylo go from being a threatening raging monster one day, to a skilled conman, who people voluntarily handed their money to, the next day?

“Now you don’t have to use your money to buy me new clothes. I can get them myself,” said Kylo. He started walking towards a busy street ahead of them, and Hux followed, still puzzled by the scenario that had just unfolded.

They entered a clothing shop, where Kylo quickly picked out a few items, including shoes. Everything black. He apparently couldn’t be bothered trying anything on, just paid for them.

“We should find something to eat,” Kylo said.

Hux couldn’t agree more. They had only eaten an energy bar each that morning, which Hux had brought with him.

They found a café, where Hux bought a tuna dish and a long needed cup of tea. Kylo bought a burger. They ate in silence, and when they finished, Kylo went to the restroom to change into his new clothes.

When Kylo came back from the restroom again, he had somehow turned into a different person. He was wearing a pair of washed out black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black asymmetrical hooded jacket. He ran his hand through his unruly hair as he walked back to their table, and Hux noticed how the two girls behind the counter at the café looked at him. One of them whispered something to the other and they both giggled.

Looking at him, Hux realised it had been a couple of days since the last time he had had Kylo’s lips wrapped around his cock. He also realised he wanted more than a blowjob. He wanted Kylo to fuck him. He wanted Kylo to slam him up against a wall, rip his trousers down and fuck him raw.

“What?” said Kylo when he reached their table.

“Hm?” sounded Hux, gripping his teacup a little tighter and adjusting in his seat.

“You were staring.”

Hux quickly licked his lips. “Oh, nothing, I just spaced out.”

Kylo handed Hux his jumper back. “Can I put the other stuff I bought in your backpack?”

“Yes, of course,” Hux nodded, still a little distracted by how different Kylo looked. He was still very much covered up though. Not an inch of skin besides his hands and face were showing.

“What do you want to do now?” asked Kylo.

“I suppose we could walk around for a bit,” said Hux. He honestly wasn’t sure what they should do next, or where to go. Their only plan seemed to be to go further south, but it couldn’t hurt to stay in this city for a day.

Kylo picked up Hux’s backpack and threw it over his shoulder. Hux was going to protest, but he figured it would actually be nice not having to carry it for a while, so he said nothing.

The two of them walked together through town, taking in the different sights. Unlike Arkanis, this city had a beautiful coastline, and a large pier stretching out into the ocean.

The pier was mostly restaurants and small souvenir shops. Hux wasn’t even remotely interested in the knickknack they were selling, but Kylo seemed to like it, for some ungodly reason. While he looked at the overpriced souvenirs, Hux gazed out at the vast ocean. He had stood on the cliffs by Arkanis Academy so many times, looking at the same ocean, but here it looked completely different. In Arkanis, the ocean was dark, with large angry waves crashing in on shore, taking with it everything in its way. Hux liked it because it was unpredictable, dangerous and relatable. But here, the ocean was quiet and serene, and the sound of the small waves that splashed up against the legs of the large pier, were almost comforting.

“Good view,” Kylo’s voice suddenly sounded next to him.

Hux nodded.

“I spotted a sign for something further up that I really want to check out,” Kylo continued.

“For what?”

“Let’s call it a surprise. Just shut up and follow me.”

“Commanding much?”

“You say that like you don’t like it,” said Kylo, and Hux glared at him.

Nonetheless, he followed Kylo to the end of the pier, where a large planetarium had been built. Across the large entrance to the building, was a sign that read:

_JOURNEY TO THE END OF THE UNIVERSE_

“A star show?” said Hux, a little skeptical.

“Do you want to see it?” Kylo asked, and Hux noticed how his eyes lit up. He was genuinely interested in this.

Although Hux had never been into astronomy himself, he was always up for learning something new, and Kylo was obviously excited,

“Okay,” he answered.

They bought their tickets to the show, and as they entered the theatre, they realised they were the only ones there. Choosing seats in the middle of the circular room, they leaned back and waited for the show to begin.

It was quiet for a while, before the room went completely dark and the ethereal music started. Then the dome ceiling above them slowly lit up to show them a starry night sky, as an enchanting, female voice started speaking:

_“The night sky, both beautiful and mysterious, has been the subject of campfire stories, ancient myths and awe for as long as there have been people. A desire to comprehend the Universe may well be humanity’s oldest shared intellectual experience. Yet only recently have we truly begun to grasp our place in the vast cosmos.”_

The show was close to an hour long, and Hux found it more interesting than he initially thought he would. Halfway through it, Kylo had taken his hand again, and Hux had let him.

Outside, after the show, Kylo asked, “Did you like it?”

“Yes, it was good,” answered Hux.

“My favourite star constellation is the Phoenix,” said Kylo.

“I didn’t even know there was a constellation called Phoenix.”

“It’s a minor one. It’s not popular or well known, like Cassiopeia or Orion,” he explained.

“How do you know so much about this?” asked Hux. He found himself strangely intrigued by Kylo’s knowledge. Not what he knew, but that he knew.

“This may come as a surprise to you, but there are these things you can read called books,” Kylo smirked.

“Funny,” Hux retorted dryly.

“Nothing beats a starry night sky. Stargazing was pretty shit in Arkanis, but I went outside as often as I was allowed.”

Hux frowned at Kylo. What an odd thing to say. He questioned him, “As often as you were allowed?”

“What?”

“You said you went outside as often as you were _allowed_.”

Suddenly, there was a sharp pain at Hux’s temple. Clasping his hand over the side of his head, he almost toppled over, but Kylo caught him.

“Are you okay?” asked Kylo, holding onto Hux with strong hands.

And then, as quickly as it had come on, the pain disappeared again. Feeling a little light-headed at first, Hux used Kylo to steady himself.

“I’m fine,” he finally said, shaking his head as if to get rid of the final traces of dizziness.

Kylo let go of him. He said, “Maybe we should find somewhere to stay for the night, so you can relax.”

“I’m really fine,” Hux repeated. “I don’t know what happened, but it’s gone now.”

“We still need to find a place. It’s getting late.”

They found a cheap hotel not too far from the pier, with a bored woman chewing gum in the reception. She looked like she had never once smiled in her entire life.

“A double room, please,” Hux told her.

She sighed at him, as if even the thought of having to actually do her job, bothered her. Slowly, she took a keycard from the shelf behind her, but instead of handing it to Hux, she put it on the reception counter, popping her gum. Hux picked it up. Room number 1119.

“Fuck you very much,” Kylo said before they made their way from the reception down the hall, and Hux couldn’t help but snicker at him.

Kylo all but threw himself down on the bed once they were inside the room. Hux, on the other hand, carefully placed his backpack on the side of the bed that Kylo wasn’t covering and took his shoes off, before he too found his place on it. He stretched out, hands behind his head, feeling how his body was in no way very happy with him after having slept in a barn the night before.

Kylo found the remote control to the television. He turned it on, zapping through the channels, before he decided on a cooking show, of all things. Mindlessly, they both stared at the screen.

After a while, Hux turned his head to look at Kylo. He was still looking bothersomely attractive in his new getup, and Hux’s mind was all too happy conjuring up some more sexy scenarios of Kylo forcefully pushing him into the mattress and pressing his way into him with what Hux could only imagine was an amazing cock. God, he really needed a proper fuck.

“Kiss me,” said Hux, unashamed.

Kylo turned to him and met his eyes, and the soft tingle appeared at Hux’s temple again. Kylo didn’t stop to think before he leaned over Hux and did just what he asked him to. His soft, plump lips covered Hux’s own, and Hux hungrily opened his mouth to his tongue.

Hux led his hand to the back of Kylo’s head, twining his fingers into his hair. He used to hate that hair, but now… one thing was for certain: it was great to tug at.

Propping himself up on one arm, Kylo used the other to push Hux’s jumper up. He found Hux’s nipples, which he had long since learned how much Hux loved to get tweaked. Hux arched off the mattress as Kylo did just that, pushing his groin and ever hardening cock up towards Kylo, but he wasn’t quite able to reach him.

Impatient, Hux dragged Kylo down on top of him, making full contact. Pulling one of his own legs up, he started grinding against Kylo, and he could feel him. He could feel his hard cock through his jeans, begging for attention.

Hux snuck his hand between their two bodies and cupped Kylo’s cock through his jeans. One could never be certain of a man’s size by just feeling them on the outside of their trousers, but Hux was fairly confident that Kylo’s cock, just like the rest of him, was big.

Kylo moaned into Hux’s mouth as Hux started rubbing at him, and Hux couldn’t help himself from biting down on Kylo’s bottom lip.

He didn’t want to wait any longer, and, eagerly, he moved his other hand down to Kylo’s waist in an attempt to push his t-shirt up. But the second his fingers made contact with Kylo’s skin, Kylo jumped off him so fast, it was as if Hux had shocked him.

Hux stared at Kylo, who had already gotten off the bed and was standing at the end of it.

“What the fuck?” Hux let out. He had no idea whatsoever what had just happened.

Kylo was almost in a battle stance: his legs apart, his fists clenched, eyes dark. “Don’t touch me,” he snarled through gritted teeth.

For the first time, Kylo was intimidating to Hux. Up until now he had found his anger funny (and annoying), more than anything else. But this was something completely different. He sat up on the bed, holding both his hands out in front of him.

“I won’t,” he said, trying to sound relaxed.

Kylo kept staring at him for a long time, and Hux looked back at him, hoping he would calm down. Eventually, Kylo backed out of his battle stance, turning his back to Hux.

“I thought you were satisfied with our arrangement,” Kylo finally spoke, his voice even darker than usual.

Hux wasn’t completely certain what he was talking about, and he said so.

“The blowjobs, the handjobs- I didn’t think you were interested in anything more.”

“Of course I am!” uttered Hux, wanting to make it absolutely clear that he was indeed very interested in everything he could get from Kylo, sexually.

Kylo turned around halfway, looking at Hux over his shoulder. From what Hux could see from his face, he looked… wounded. “Really? Do you really want me?” he asked with a striking despair in his voice.

The tingling sensation at Hux’s temple that had been there all along, was growing stronger, and Hux was almost afraid he would have another seizure.

“Yes,” Hux answered, sounding more sincere than he had in years. More sincere than he wanted to or knew he could be.

Kylo moved.

“Where are you going?” Hux asked quickly.

“To take a shower,” answered Kylo, walking to the bathroom and locking the door behind him.

Hux couldn’t help himself from getting off the bed and listening at the door. He heard the shower being turned on, and shortly after, repeated banging sounds, as if someone was hitting the wall. He stood there a while, listening to Kylo’s obvious signs of anguish. Then, in something that could only be described as a mild panic, Hux rushed over to his backpack and rummaged through it until he found the gun.

He held the Glock firmly in his hands, feeling the weight of it. This wasn’t working. He had to kill Kylo, and he had to kill him now. It didn’t matter that he only had the gun. He could muffle the sound by shooting him through a pillow. He could do it while Kylo slept. Quick and easy. And then he could leave, continue traveling south, never having to think of Kylo again.

The sound of the bathroom door unlocking, made Hux jump. He had been so deep in thought, he hadn’t heard the shower being turned off. He quickly sat down on the bed, hiding the gun under one of the pillows.

When Kylo came out of the bathroom, he looked almost exactly the same as when he first went in there, except his hair was wet now, and it was dripping onto the shoulders of his jacket.

“I’m going to get some air,” he said, not looking at Hux as he grabbed the keycard from the nightstand and pulled the hood of his jacket over his head.

Hux didn’t say anything as he disappeared out the door.

When Kylo had been gone for two hours, Hux decided to go to sleep. He didn’t bother with taking his clothes off, but simply laid himself down on top of the made bed with his back against the door.

He wasn’t certain what time it was when Kylo finally came back, and although he hadn’t been able to fall asleep yet, he pretended that he was. He heard Kylo kick his shoes off before he lied down on the bed behind him. Then Hux felt him move nearer to him, until his body was as close to Hux’s as it could come. With Kylo’s arm wrapped gently around him, and his breath hot at the nape of his neck, Hux was finally able to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ops. Looks like Hux might have some feelings after all. How annoying ;)
> 
> The bit from the star show at the planetarium, is an excerpt from the planetarium show "From Earth to the Universe", which you can look at [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUcv3ORj2jc&t=357s).


	3. Chapter 3

_Hux was in the larder hiding from the monster, listening carefully to the footsteps outside that were coming closer and closer. He couldn’t help himself from giggling; the adrenaline of what would happen when the monster found him, rushing through his little body._

_“Where are you?” the monster singsang outside in the kitchen. It was very close, almost right outside the larder door._

_“I will find you, and when I do -"_

_The door to the larder was torn open, revealing the terrifying monster: his mother. She had screwed her face up in a terrible grimace and was stretching her arms out towards him._

_“- I will eat you!” his mother, the monster, finished._

_Hux squealed in excitement. He tried to run past her to get away from her, but she caught him._

_She roared at him like a monster would and lifted him up into the air._

_“Got you!” she said, making growling noises as she pretended to eat him._

_Hux laughed as she swung him around in her arms before she pulled him into an embrace._

_“I love you so much,” she said and kissed his head, nustling her nose into his hair. “My Armitage.”_

_… Armitage..._

_Armitage..._

Hux…

  
“Hux.”

Hux startled awake at the sound of his name. At first he didn’t know where he was. It was a long time since he had dreamt about his mother, and it had seemed so real. Then he expected to find himself in his room at the Academy, but what he woke up to, was Kylo, standing next to the bed.

“We have to check out soon,” he pointed out.

Hux sat up on the bed, remembering where he was and why. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, then looked at Kylo. There was no sign of his behaviour from the night before. Nothing to indicate that anything had happened at all.

“Are you okay?” Kylo asked him, eyeing him closely.

He felt exhausted after that dream, but Hux ignored the question, saying, “I need a shower.”

He locked himself in the bathroom, undressed and got under the warm water. Feeling his muscles loosen up, he realised he needed the shower more than he had thought. He put his face into the shower stream, standing like that for a long time before he soaped up. Washing his face, he could feel a light stubble. Out of old habit, he almost reached for the complimentary razor on the sink, but then he remembered that he didn’t have to shave. He wasn’t at the Academy any longer.

“Ready to go?” asked Kylo when Hux finally came out of the bathroom.

“Where are we going exactly?” Hux asked. He didn’t actually need to have an end goal, but he was curious to know whether Kylo had one.

“Further south.”

Hux put his backpack on. “Then I suggest we find another train.”

“No.”

“No?”

“We should stay away from public transport,” said Kylo. “We need to find some place and lay low for a while. They’ll be looking for me.” He shot Hux a quick look. “Us.”

Again, Kylo was being cryptic, and Hux wanted to know what he was on about. “For god’s sake, we’re not fugitives. Or are you?”

Kylo scowled. “I’m not a fugitive,” he said, moving to open the door to their room.

But Hux wasn’t done with this conversation yet. He put his hand on the door, leaning against it. Kylo may not be a fugitive, but there was something he wasn’t telling him.

“I should hope by now, that you have realised I’m not an idiot,” he told Kylo, and he saw how Kylo’s fingers tightened around the handle of the door. “Exactly how special ops is Project Harvester?”

Hux was expecting him to get angry, or at least defensive. But instead, Kylo sighed and took his hand away from the door handle. He went over to the bed and sat down, wringing his hands.

“Special,” he finally admitted.

“Would you like to elaborate on that?”

“I can’t,” he said, not meeting Hux’s eyes.

Hux pushed him a little further, “But special enough that they would want you back and, shall we say, will eagerly be looking for you?”

“Yes,” Kylo confessed, his voice more quiet than usual.

Silence fell between them before Hux spoke up again, “Well, then I suppose we better find that hiding place.”

Kylo looked up at him then, his shoulders visibly relaxing at Hux’s words. Hux could understand why he hadn’t wanted to say anything about this. Perhaps he thought that Hux would rat him out if he found out. He wasn’t going to.

 

* * *

 

They said a not particularly fond farewell to the grumpy woman behind the reception. Outside the hotel, Kylo told Hux to wait.

“For what?”

“I’ll be back.” Then he walked off.

How infuriating. Where was he going? Why couldn’t he just tell him? Hux leaned against the outside wall of the hotel, crossing his arms in front of him. He hated not being in the know.

He had waited perhaps fifteen minutes, when a thought struck him: What if Kylo left him behind? What if he had somehow decided that he didn’t want to have Hux along with him on this grand escape after all?

How dared he? If it wasn’t for him, Kylo wouldn’t even have made it past the gate at the Academy. The train ride would have been an even bigger disaster, and he would probably still be by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, trying to hitch a ride.

A horn honked, and Hux looked up. A car came to a halt right in front of him, and in its driver’s seat, sat Kylo.

“Get in,” he smirked.

Hux stared at him. Had he just stolen a car?

Looking around him, Hux quickly got in the passenger seat. Inside, he made sure to look at the ignition. He expected it to be hot-wired, as that seemed like the kind of thing Kylo would do. But there was a key there.

“How?” Hux asked him, not certain whether he was impressed or worried by his skills.

“Like I said yesterday, I can be pretty persuasive.”

“Are you seriously telling me someone gave you this car?” Hux asked incredulously. It wasn’t possible.

“I am,” said Kylo casually as he pulled out into the street.

“I thought you said you wanted to lie low.”

Even if Kylo had actually been able to charm someone into giving him their car, a scenario too bizarre for Hux to wrap his head around (not the car part, but the charm part), it was not something regular people did. The owner of the car would remember him, and they would remember him well.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Why would I? You’re the fugitive,” Hux huffed.

Kylo growled. “Stop calling me a fucking fugitive.”

Satisfied that he had at least annoyed Kylo a little bit after he had made him wait and refused to tell him exactly what was going on, Hux smiled to himself.

They drove for several hours that day, and Hux found it quite soothing to sit in the passenger seat, listening to music and looking out at the open scenery that sped past them on the motorway.

At some point, he must have dozed off, because the next thing he knew, they were driving slowly on a desolate country road with houses few and far between them. They looked like summer homes to Hux; houses that were most likely abandoned now, but would soon be back in use again, as summer wasn’t too far away.

Kylo was paying close attention to the houses as they drove past them, eventually stopping a little way past a two-story house that was partly hidden from the road by several large trees.

“Let’s check this one out,” said Kylo, turning off the engine and getting out of the car.

“We’re breaking and entering now?”

“Yes,” Kylo responded.

“I didn’t expect you to admit to it,” said Hux. Somehow, that made him more inclined to go along with it.

As they started up the narrow gravel road, Hux took a quick look at the mailbox. The name on it read _Snoke_.

They took as casual a walk around the house as they could, looking for any sign of people or security. It didn’t look like there had been anyone there in a while. The garden was overgrown and the terrace covered in last autumn's crispy leaves. There was no sign of people nor any security, as far as they could see.

Kylo stood himself with his back against the terrace door, then knocked his elbow into the glass, successfully breaking it. He reached in and unlocked the door, holding it open for Hux to enter the house first.

“This really isn’t helping your fugitive reputation,” Hux commented, feeling Kylo’s glare at his back as he stepped inside.

They checked the house out, and found that it was more than satisfactory. The furniture was comfortable, the bathroom was spacious, and the kitchen even had a larder well stocked with hermetic and dry foods. There was only one bedroom upstairs, and Hux thought to himself that it might be awkward for them to share one after Kylo’s little incident last night, but they would have to do.

There weren't many photos in the house, but the few that were, were of an older man in hunting clothes with a severely scarred face, showing off dead animals Hux presumed he had killed himself. Any other decoration were of taxidermied animals, big and small.

Kylo went to park the car someplace more hidden, and Hux, feeling hungry, went to the kitchen. He took a pack of dried pasta and a glass of tomato sauce out of the larder, then went through the cabinets looking for a saucepan. He found one, but he also found something else. In the tall cabinet, next to the disconnected fridge, there were knives. A lot of knives. Neatly placed and newly sharpened. Not all of them were regular knives, however. Most of them were clearly butcher’s knives, but there were some oddly shaped ones as well. Hux found two that were curved with a handle on each side. He pulled one of them out, studying it. He wondered what it was for.

He heard Kylo come into the house again, and he quickly put the strange knife back in the cabinet, concentrating on the food. It turned into a decent enough meal, and Hux served Kylo and himself out on the terrace, as the weather was warm enough to allow it. It was quite peaceful to sit out there and watch the wheatfields that stretched out behind the house.

After dinner, Hux carried his backpack upstairs. He opened it in the bedroom and quickly realised something was missing. He rummaged through his own and Kylo’s clothes, looking for the gun, but it wasn’t there.

“Looking for this?”

Hux almost jumped out of his own skin, as he hadn’t heard Kylo come upstairs after him. He turned to see Kylo leaning on the door frame, holding the Glock securely in his right hand.

Hux looked at the gun with careful eyes, then at Kylo. He didn’t say anything, waiting for what Kylo would do.

“What were you planning to do with this?”

Hux stood up slowly, eyes fixed on Kylo. “I brought it for protection.”

It wasn’t a lie. He _had_ brought it for protection. But also to kill Kylo.

Hux hadn’t felt the tingling sensation all day, but now it was back, lightly tickling the side of his head. By the door, Kylo raised an eyebrow at him.

“Then you should take better care of it. I found it under the pillow at the hotel, and you didn’t know it was gone until now.”

He skillfully shifted his grip on the gun, turning it with the muzzle towards him, then stretched his hand out to Hux, inviting him to take it.

Hux quickly stepped forward and grabbed the gun. He checked it, then put it back in the backpack, before he escaped the bedroom in four long strides, smacking into Kylo’s broad frame as he passed him.

He marched right out of the house and towards the road, clenching and unclenching his fists as he went.

How much of an idiot was he, forgetting the gun at the hotel? Never in his life had he ever done anything as stupid as this. He didn’t know if it was better or worse that Kylo had found it and taken care of it.

It was good, of course, that it hadn’t been left behind, but it was just so… embarrassing. He didn’t want to be perceived as a person that made mistakes - especially not by Kylo. He was better than that. He was better than _him_.

He always kept his cool and he was always in control. That was what he lived by.

Hux walked a fair distance down the road they had come from earlier, trying to rid himself of the consuming feeling of shame. It didn’t work.

When he came back to the house, Kylo was on the sofa in the sitting room with a book. In front of him on the table, was an unopened bottle of whisky. He didn’t look up when Hux entered the room.

Because he needed something to do, Hux grabbed a random book from the bookshelf, and sat down in a chair away from Kylo. It turned out to be a book about torture and execution methods through history, and Hux found that a particular chapter on flaying had been marked. It even had notes written next to some of the paragraphs. There was a photo of tools, and one of the knives in particular, looked very familiar.

Out of the corner of his eye, Hux saw Kylo put his book down and reach for the bottle on the table. He opened it and took a good swig of it. Then he got to his feet and moved over to Hux.

“Here,” he said, handing him the bottle.

For a split second, Hux wanted to tell him to fuck off, but getting wasted might not be a terrible idea right now. He grabbed the bottle and drank deeply from it.

Kylo let him keep the bottle as he went over to the sound system to turn it on.

“There’s no party without music,” he said, cranking the sound up as he found a radio station playing rock.

 _“I don't know where you're going,_  
_But do you got room for one more troubled soul_  
_I don't know where I'm going,_  
_But I don't think I'm coming home_  
_And I said, I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead_  
_This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end,”_ the music sounded.

“Share,” demanded Kylo of Hux as he came back for the bottle again.

Hux didn’t want to share, so he took another swig of the bottle, and then yet another one.

“Don’t be an asshole,” Kylo pointed out.

Hux scowled at him. “I _am_ an asshole,” he insisted. “Or have you not picked up on that yet?”

“It’s hard not to pick up on something that's so in your face,” Kylo retorted.

“Fuck off,” said Hux, pushing the whisky bottle at him.

They kept passing the bottle between them for a good while, until Hux, at least, was definitely feeling it. He didn’t know about Kylo though. He was so stupidly big, he probably needed three bottles to even feel a light buzz.

An upbeat song started on the radio, and suddenly Kylo grabbed Hux’s arm.

“Come on,” he said, smiling as he pulled Hux out of the chair he was sitting in.

“What are you doing?” demanded Hux, trying to wiggle loose from Kylo’s iron grip.

“Dancing,” answered Kylo.

“No,” Hux shook his head almost violently. “I don’t dance.”

“Yes, you do,” he said matter-of-factly. “Let loose for one fucking time in your life.”

He let go of Hux’s wrist and Hux watched him a little dumbfounded as he started moving to the music. He would never have guessed that Kylo could dance. By his sheer size alone, Hux would have thought he was clumsy and stiff, but he actually had both rhythm and style.

It was probably the alcohol talking, but Hux thought to himself that if Kylo could do it, then he could bloody well do it too.

It was a strange sensation, letting go and having the music guide his moves. Hux didn’t even know he had it in him, because he couldn't actually remember ever having danced before. It simply wasn’t something he did. But here he was, drunk on whisky in some stranger’s house, dancing, because Kylo had told him to.

The music shifted then, and Hux stopped moving as a ballad came on. Kylo had stopped too, and he was looking intensely at Hux.

“Close your eyes,” he said.

Hux blinked at him first, but then he found himself actually obeying his command.

He stood perfectly still, his head swimming a little due to the alcohol. Then he felt Kylo’s hands on him. He guided Hux’s left hand to rest on his shoulder, before he grabbed Hux’s right with his left. Finally, he let his own right come around Hux’s waist and sit at the small of his back.

“Don’t open them,” Kylo whispered close to his ear.

Then they started moving slowly, swaying ever so slightly from side to side as they followed the flow of the music.

His body pressed against Hux’s, Kylo’s heat mixed with his own. With his eyes closed, Hux suddenly picked up on so many sensations: the almost delicate way Kylo held his hand; the way his feet ever so lightly touched Hux’s when they took a step in unison; how his muscles moved under his clothes where Hux’s hand rested; how his breath was damp against the side of Hux’s neck.

In the background, a tender female voice sang:  
_“Give me all your love_  
_'Cause for all we know_  
_We might be dead by tomorrow.”_

Kylo kissed his throat, softly, and Hux couldn’t help himself from letting out a satisfied sigh. The hand at Hux’s back drew him in even closer, as Kylo licked his way up to Hux’s ear and bit down on the lobe. His other hand let go of Hux’s and went to his jaw, as he moved his attention from Hux’s ear to his mouth. He gave him a lick at the lips, asking to be let in, and Hux opened for him.

Hux wasn’t even aware of the tingling at his temple, as Kylo’s hand snuck under his jumper and down the back of his jeans into his underwear. One of his fingers moved down the cleft of Hux’s ass, finding his entrance. He didn’t make any move to push the finger inside him, just teasingly pressed against the muscle.

It had been a long time since Hux had had anyone’s fingers but his own there, and he inhaled sharply, squeezing his buttocks together in sudden anticipation, wanting more. Kylo played with him, making little circles with his finger. His other hand went to unbutton Hux’s jeans, pushing them and his underwear down over his hips and to the floor.

Still with his eyes closed, Hux could hear Kylo get down on his knees in front of him. His hair just barely brushed against the tip of Hux’s cock, which had sprung to life when Kylo had first put his finger between his ass cheeks, and he shuddered.

Kylo closed in on his cock, his hot breath tickling the tip of it. He let his tongue flick out at it, and Hux jerked just a little, making him push back against the finger Kylo still held at his entrance.

It was delicious. Having Kylo do all this to him, and just the way he liked it, was divine. But there was something gnawing at him. He _knew_ there was something wrong with Kylo, and he couldn’t get it out of his head. He somehow couldn’t seem to forget what had happened the night before. It didn’t sit right with him to just ignore it and go on as they had at the Academy.

He didn’t understand why this was troubling him so much. Still, with this odd knot in his stomach, Hux opened his eyes.

“Stop,” he told Kylo.

He swallowed hard as he looked at the exquisite sight that was Kylo on his knees in front of him, his lips wet with spit and ready for Hux’s blushing cock. Why was he stopping this? What was happening to him?

“This isn’t… right,” he continued.

Kylo frowned up at him, giving him a questioning look.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore. Letting you do all this.”

Hux was struggling to find the right words. He wasn’t used to that, and it made him highly uncomfortable. He bent down to pull his underwear and jeans up, tucking himself back in.

Kylo rose to his full length, just that little bit taller than Hux. His eyes had gone dark again and he scowled at Hux.

“You said you wanted me,” he said, his voice almost shaking.

“I do!” exclaimed Hux.

He did.

“Liar,” Kylo spat at him. Then he turned on his heel and ran upstairs, taking the stairs two steps at a time.

“Kylo!” Hux called after him, but all he got in return was the slamming of the bedroom door.

Hux sat down on the sofa, running his hand over his face and then through his hair. But he couldn’t sit still for long, and he got up to pace the length of the sitting room.

His head was spinning, but it wasn’t from the alcohol anymore.

Hux hadn’t felt anything for anyone in years, but Kylo was making him feel things. He was making him _care_. And he didn’t like it.

He refused to be a part of this whatever-it-was anymore. Heading for the kitchen and the large cabinet, he took one of the larger knives out and went back to the sitting room. He would kill him tonight, but he had to wait. Kylo had only just gone upstairs. He wouldn’t be asleep yet.

When the clock had passed midnight, Hux finally decided to go up to the bedroom. With the knife in his hand, he snuck silently up the stairs, the sound of his heart thrumming in his ears at the thought of what he was about to do.

He listened at the door when he reached it, and when he could hear nothing, cracked it open. Light from the hallway spilled into the dark room and onto the bed where Kylo was lying. He was curled up on his side, having tugged the duvet almost all the way up under his chin. He looked strangely peaceful when he was sleeping. The furrow in his brow that was almost always there during the day, gone.

Hux walked over to the bed and squatted next to it. He could hear Kylo’s steady breath, and he could just barely see his chest move under the duvet. Ever so carefully, hardly daring to breathe, Hux reached his hand out towards him and touched his hair. He let one of the wavy locks curl around his finger. In his sleep, Kylo sighed.

Hux sat like that for a while, stealing this moment that Kylo would never have allowed him if he were awake. Then he quietly went downstairs again, where he put the knife back in the kitchen cabinet, and settled himself on the sofa for the night.

 

* * *

 

The next time Hux woke up, it was to a large hand covering his nose and mouth. In his bewilderment, he thought maybe it was Kylo playing some stupid joke on him, but as his nightvision kicked in, he realised he was looking right into the scarred face of the hunter from the photos.

“Hello, little fox,” the hunter spoke in a raspy voice, and his face cracked into a twisted smile.

Hux’s fight response kicked in then, and his brain went straight to his Academy training. The hunter was silencing him with his right hand and holding him down with his left. Hux was definitely at a disadvantage being trapped under him like that. But if he could just turn around enough to kick him, or get a punch in to his head, he should at least be able to distract him, perhaps enough for him to let go.

Hux struggled and twisted in his grip. The hunter was surprisingly strong - more so than he looked and his age let on. But Hux kept at it, eventually able to get himself at such an angle that he was sure he would get a hit in. He pulled his arm back, and with as much strength as he was able to find in him, powered by his adrenaline, he sent his fist flying in the direction of the hunter’s head.

Who ducked, and didn’t even losen his grip on Hux a little bit.

The hunter laughed, a low, hoarse sound at the back of his throat. “There’s no use fighting, little fox. You’re mine now. Oh, you’ll make a fine trophy.”

Perhaps it took a twisted mind to recognise another. Or perhaps anyone in this situation would instinctively know what was about to happen. Hux was going to die.

He was reminded of the the strange knives he had found, and the chapter about flaying in the book he had taken from the bookshelf.

He didn’t know how long it took to flay a human being, but it had to be quite a while. He wondered how much it would hurt. He didn’t usually feel that much pain, but the thought of his own skin being peeled off of him while he was still alive and lucid, was terrifying to such an extent that he felt his entire body go numb.

For the first time in a very long time, he was afraid.

 _Help me,_ he thought desperately, as if someone could hear his thoughts.

And then he thought about Kylo, who was sleeping upstairs, and had no idea what was happening a floor below him. The hunter would probably find and kill him as well. Then he wouldn’t get just a fox for his collection, but a wolf too.

The hunter made a sound then. Something like a deep gasp, as if he was trying to breathe but wasn’t quite able to. His eyes widened and both his hands suddenly let go of Hux. They went to his throat instead, gripping at it in clear desperation. His face was quickly turning red, the vein in his forehead protruding.

Hux stared at him as he realised he was choking. Quickly, he got himself up from the sofa so he could get away from him, and that’s when he saw it: in the middle of the staircase stood Kylo, his arm stretched out towards the hunter, with his fingers in a clawlike position as if gripping something. His face was screwed up in concentration, and Hux could practically feel the anger on him: pure hot rage vibrating directly out of him. He seemed taller, broader, bigger in every sense of the word.

Kylo moved his arm up, and Hux stared open-mouthed as the hunter was simultaneously raised a good half metre off of the floor. It was becoming increasingly difficult for him to breathe. Only very short gasps were heard from him, and his eyes were bulging out of his skull.

The hunter was turned around in mid air, so as to face Kylo, whose entire arm was shaking as he pressed his fingers closer together. Then he quickly turned his wrist, and the hunter’s neck made an unnatural twist before his head dropped heavily to his chest.

In a final move, Kylo threw his arm to the side, and the hunter flew through the air before he hit the bookshelf violently, breaking more than one shelf as he did. He fell to the floor, where he lay unmoving.

Then there was silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first song cited is _Alone together_ by Fall out boy.  
>  The second song cited is _We might be dead by tomorrow_ by Soko.


	4. Chapter 4

Slowly, the deafening silence in the room was broken by Kylo’s heavy breathing. His muscles were still taut, his eyes still hyper focused on the hunter, no doubt ready to do more damage if need be. But he was huffing, partly out of breath. What he had done had clearly taken something out of him.

Hux didn’t know what to do. He stared at the dead hunter lying only a couple of metres away from him over by the bookshelves. He was going to kill Hux, but now he was dead himself. Kylo had killed him. Kylo had…

He didn’t understand what he had just witnessed. His brain was desperately trying to scramble together a rational explanation, because what he had seen Kylo do, simply wasn’t possible within the realms of logic.

“Hey,” Kylo’s voice said, firm and decisive, as he came down the stairs. He wasn’t breathing as heavily anymore. He had collected himself quickly. “Are you with me?”

Hux blinked, tearing his eyes away from the hunter’s mutilated body. “What?”

“We have to clean everything up and get rid of the body. We can’t leave any trace. No one can know that we were here. Do you understand?”

Kylo sounded confident and clear. Like a soldier on a mission, giving out orders. And like a well trained soldier himself, Hux obeyed him, because at the moment that was the only thing his brain was able to handle.

“I’ll go get the car, you get started on the cleaning,” commanded Kylo. “Don’t touch him until I’m back.”

Hux nodded, and as Kylo left to get the car, he started looking for cleaning supplies. In an upstairs cupboard, he found several packs of rubber gloves and enough bleach to last a decade - another sign of the hunter’s true nature.

He started in the bedroom, tearing off all the bed sheets Kylo had used and carried them downstairs. Then he started wiping down everything with bleach.

“You have to help me with the body,” Kylo told him when he was back.

Hux did what he was asked. Together they were able to haul the hunter’s body onto the bed sheets and roll him into them.

“We’ll put him in the boot of the car and find somewhere to dump him,” said Kylo.

The hunter was a big man, and he was heavy. Really heavy. Kylo didn’t seem to have too much trouble lifting him, but Hux was struggling as they carried him out to the car. He staggered a little and wasn’t able to get a very firm grip. Just as they were about to throw him into the boot of the car, Hux lost his grip. Kylo’s strength alone wasn’t enough to hold onto the body, and it flopped heavily to the ground, the sheets coming undone.

The hunter’s head, with its lulling twisted neck, peaked out of the sheets. His open eyes stared up at Hux, and Hux saw fear in them; his last moment of terror frozen in time on his face. An undeniable sign of what Kylo had done to him.

Hux’s gut had held up well until that moment, but as he looked into those horrified eyes, he couldn’t take it anymore. His stomach convulsed, but he was able to quickly turn away before he vomited.

He spat when he had emptied himself, using the back of his hand to dry off whatever excess sick was left around his mouth.

“Sorry,” he told Kylo, somehow feeling the need to apologise.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Kylo, tucking the sheets back around the hunter and standing himself at the head end, bending down to pick him up again.

Hux grabbed his feet, and this time they were able to get the hunter into the boot without any more trouble.

They went back to cleaning after, thoroughly rubbing down every surface of every room. They weren't able to properly repair the bookshelf, as some of the shelves had broken on impact with the hunter, but they did as much as they could, placing the broken ones next to the shelf. It took them hours to clean everything, the sun having long since risen by the time they finished.

The last thing they did before they got in the car, was to grab some dry foods from the larder and put it in Hux’s backpack.

Kylo got behind the wheel again, and as he started up the engine, he said, “On our way here, we passed an old quarry. About an hour back. I don’t know if you remember it? Maybe you were sleeping.”

Hux couldn't remember a quarry. “No, I don’t.”

“It looked pretty abandoned, so I think we can dump him there.”

“Yeah, sure,” answered Hux distantly.

His head felt like glue. He had no idea what was going on right now. It was impossible to make sense of any of it, and maybe parts of him didn’t even want to, because the truth seemed like more than he could handle.

They had driven for perhaps half an hour, and had yet to reach the quarry, when Kylo turned off the road and into the parking lot of a roadside cafe.

“What are you doing?” asked Hux, a little stressed.

“Killing time,” answered Kylo, as he turned the engine off.

“We can’t just stop here. We have a dead person in the boot of our car,” Hux hissed, his eyes wide.

“No one knows that.”

Hux stared at him. How could he be this calm?

“Look,” said Kylo. “I’m stopping because it’s the middle of the day, and we can’t dump the body in broad daylight.”

That was something that hadn’t occurred to Hux, but which actually made complete sense. It would be stupid to dump the body right now. People could recognise them from miles away if someone happened to see what they were doing.

“That’s smart,” he finally said, feeling like an idiot and hating it.

They entered the cafe, where the only other guests were a couple of truck drivers. The place was old and worn, and Hux was fairly certain the kitchen he could see in the back wouldn’t pass a sanitation inspection. They sat down at a table in the back corner, where they only had to wait a short while before an energetic waitress in her early twenties came over to them.

“Hello boys,” she greeted them in a cheery voice and handed them two menus. “Can I get you two something to drink to start off with?”

“A cup of tea, please. Earl grey will do,” said Hux.

“One cup of Earl grey,” she repeated, confirming the order. Then she turned to Kylo. “And for you?”

“Coffee,” he said.

“And would you like anything in your coffee? Milk?” And, with a slight toss of her dark hair, she added in an almost sultry voice, “Sugar?”

Hux raised an eyebrow at her, but she didn’t notice.

“No thanks,” said Kylo, giving her a quick polite smile.

“Of course. I’ll be right back with that,” she said and flashed Kylo a brilliant smile.

She quickly returned, placing Hux’s tea in front of him, before she slid a cup of coffee over to Kylo, making sure her fingers lingered on the cup long enough for Kylo’s to brush hers as he took the cup.

“There you go,” she said, focusing on Kylo only.

She stood, waiting for him to take a sip. When he had, she asked, “How was that?”

“Good, thanks,” answered Kylo, seemingly oblivious to what was going on.

She giggled. “I’m glad you like it. Have you decided on what you want to eat?”

“A bacon omelette, please,” ordered Hux.

“Mhm,” she murmured, halfway ignoring him.

The waitress was starting to piss Hux off. He didn’t give a damn that she was giving him horrible service, but she was being too interested and paying too much attention to them (to Kylo), and right now that was the last thing they needed. The one time it would be appropriate for Kylo to be an aggressive antisocial asshole, he was being pleasant. Sort of.

She took Kylo’s order with another giggle, then disappeared.

“She was nice, _”_ commented Kylo when she had left their table.

“She was all but sitting on your face,” Hux pointed out, sourly.

Kylo frowned at him. “What the fuck?”

Hux crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. “She was basically begging you to take her out back and fuck her limp.”

Kylo huffed. “I’m not interested,” he stated clearly, and as he said it, Hux could just barely feel that the tingling sensation was back at his temple.

Why was he so god damn calm? He was _never_ calm!

“I know,” said Hux, fully aware that his comment might just as easily be read as a kick at Kylo for not wanting to take things further with Hux.

Kylo drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, then got to his feet. “I’m going to take a piss.”

Hux was getting angry. Up until now he had been apathetic: detached and unable to take in what had happened. He still didn’t understand what he had seen, but he understood that they were sitting in a bloody roadside cafe having a late lunch, while outside in the boot of their car, was the body of a dead man.

Honestly, what the hell were they doing?

A couple of minutes later, Kylo came back to the table together with the waitress, who was carrying their food. She was laughing. Kylo must have told her something hilarious, Hux supposed. Even though he claimed not to be interested, because he wasn’t interested in anyone at all.

Hux was famished after the night’s ordeal and the following cleanup, but he couldn’t eat. He was all of a sudden feeling like everyone were staring at him; as if the two truck drivers, and the stupid flirting waitress, and the cook in the back, all knew what he and Kylo had done.

What if someone had seen them leave the house? What if a neighbour happening to pass by had seen the car and, not recognising it, had jotted down the number plate? What if the police had been alerted? What if they had left something behind or forgot to clean a surface in the house?

“I can’t be here any longer,” he told Kylo.

“We have to. It’s not dark yet.”

“You don’t get it. I can’t sit here for another second.”

And without further explanation, Hux got up from the table and marched outside. He didn’t know where to go. There wasn’t anywhere to go. But he needed air and he needed to get away from prying eyes. He walked around to the back of the cafe, where there were no windows or people and he couldn't be seen from the road. Putting his hands on his knees, he bent forward, trying to calm down his increasingly shallow breath.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” he cursed to himself.

“Hux!” Kylo’s voice came from around the corner not much later, and soon enough he appeared: tall, broad, and clothed all in black.

Hux had a thought that if the shit he was standing knee high in right now, was a fairytale, then Kylo would be the monster. The big bad wolf.

“You have to calm down,” Kylo told him when he reached him.

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” Hux lashed out.

Kylo locked eyes with him. “I get it, okay? I get that this is fucked up and hard to deal with, but if you don’t keep your shit together, it’s only going to get worse.”

A shrilling inappropriate sound escaped Hux’s mouth. He was laughing. “Fucked up doesn't even begin to cover it!”

“Keep your voice down,” Kylo ordered him through gritted teeth.

Hux walked a little closer to Kylo, and then he hissed at him. “You killed a man… with your _mind_ or however the fuck you did it!”

For a moment, Kylo stared at him as if Hux had slapped him across the face. Then he collected himself and spoke cooly, “As if you’re the one to call me out for killing someone.”

“What?” snapped Hux, suddenly confused at to what he was talking about.

Kylo came in even closer, and the few centimetres he had on Hux, suddenly seemed like a lot more. “Don’t you dare pretend you’re some fucking victim in this situation. You have been plotting to kill me since before we left the Academy.”

Hux gaped at him. How did he know that? He couldn’t possibly know that. Hux hadn’t told anyone. Not a single person. He hadn't even spoken the words out loud to himself.

“How do you -” Hux began, swallowing.

“Know that?” Kylo laughed dryly. “Because I’ve been reading your fucking mind, asshole.”

Hux opened his mouth to say something, but his brain was having a hard time understanding the words that had just been spoken. It wasn’t possible. Mind reading wasn’t possible. Yet, he had seen Kylo do other things that weren’t possible. And there was no other way for him to have known about Hux’s plans to kill him.

“How?” Hux was finally able to utter.

Kylo just shrugged, smugly, as if reading someone’s mind was the most natural thing in the world.

His arrogant attitude suddenly made Hux furious. “What the hell is wrong with you? That’s so invasive! You can’t do that! You can’t break into people’s heads!”

“Fuck off,” Kylo told him. “You can take that holier-than-thou attitude and shove it up your ass. You’ve done way worse. I’ve seen all the fucked up shit that’s in your head. You’re a fucking basket case.” Kylo leaned in on him, and then added in almost a whisper, “But the worst thing is: you like it.”

Hux was visibly shaking from rage at this point. With as much force as he could muster, he put his hands on Kylo and shoved him, who barely moved at the impact.

“Shut the fuck up! _”_ Hux almost screamed at him. “You… you -"

 _“Freak,”_ Kylo finished for him, and a sudden hurt appeared in his eyes as he spoke the word.

Hux felt an unfamiliar stab in his gut at seeing him like that, and for a second, the tension between them shifted completely. But then Hux skilfully pushed the feeling away, ignoring it, after years of practice of doing just so.

“Give me the car keys,” Hux insisted, holding his hand out.

To his surprise, Kylo actually put his hand in his pocket and retrieved the keys immediately. Hux snapped them out of his fingers and marched to the car, where he unlocked the back door and grabbed his backpack.

“What are you doing?” Kylo commanded of him.

“I’m leaving.”

Kylo grabbed his arm. “We have a problem we need to take care of.”

Hux gave him a death glare. “Let go of me. And that,” he nodded to the boot, “is not my problem. It’s yours. Why don’t you ask your new girlfriend to help you with it?”

Kylo held onto him a few seconds longer, as if letting Hux know that he didn’t have to let go if he didn’t want to. That he was the physically superior one. But then he released him.

“Where are you going to go?” It wasn’t a question, as much as him pointing out that Hux would be all alone.

“I don’t care,” said Hux, putting his backpack on. Then he looked straight at Kylo as he spoke, “I just want to get as far away from you as possible.”

Kylo’s jaw tightened, and that glimmer of pain from before glistened in his eyes. Normally, Hux would have felt a sense of pride knowing his words cut like that. Instead, there was a sharp sting in his chest.

“Then go,” Kylo snarled.

Refusing to acknowledge the effect Kylo was having on him, Hux turned on his heel and started walking.

 

* * *

 

Hux walked until the roadside cafe was far behind him before he started hitchhiking. At first, he almost expected Kylo to come after him, but he didn’t.

A few cars drove right past him until, strangely enough, an elderly lady decided to stop for him. As he got into the passenger seat, Hux thought to himself that she probably shouldn’t pick up hitchhikers. Anyone standing at the roadside like that, could be a rapist or a murderer.

“Where are you going to, love?” she asked him with a kind smile.

“The nearest town would be great,” he said. He didn’t have a plan. All he knew was that he needed somewhere to stay for the night.

“You look like you’re running from something,” she told him then. “What happened?”

She was observant, and she seemed like a sweet woman, but Hux wasn’t particularly keen on revealing anything about himself to her.

“It’s a complicated story,” Hux told her as he stared at the road ahead of him. He wondered what she would do if he told her what had actually happened: that he was running away from a telekinetic monster hiding a murderer’s body in the boot of his car.

“I see,” she nodded. “A lovers’ quarrel then.”

“What? No,” said Hux, quickly.

She gave him a curious look. “Oh, I apologise. I just assumed.”

The old woman kept chatting as they drove, and Hux answered her with as few words as possible. He didn’t want to talk. He wanted to be left alone. He regretted having hitchhiked at all. It would have been better to walk all the way to the next town, even if it took him hours.

By the time she dropped him off at the centre of a small town, it had began to darken. Hux needed to find a cheap hotel where he could rent a room and get a good night’s sleep. Rest should help with all the confusion he was feeling. Then he could figure out what to do next, tomorrow.

Walking down the main street of the primarily dead town centre, Hux spotted a phone box. He stopped and looked at it for a while, before he crossed the street and went into it. He picked up the phone, put a few coins in and dialed a familiar number.

It rang twice before the phone was picked up on the other end. “Commander Hux speaking.”

Hux held his breath when he heard his father’s voice. Suddenly, he didn’t know why he had called.

“Hello?” his father said.

Then line went quiet again, then, “Armitage? Is that you?”

Hux startled at the sound of his own name. He inhaled sharply. “Dad?”

“Armitage, thank god you finally called.”

Hux hadn’t expected it to feel this good to hear his father’s voice again, but the sound of it brought him back to everything he knew. To what was familiar, safe and predictable. To all the things he had ran away from.

“Dad, I -” he started, wanting to tell him what had happened, but he didn’t know where to begin.

“What did he do?” his father asked coldly.

Hux hesitated.

“Tell me what he did, Armitage. Did he hurt you?”

“No,” said Hux and shook his head, although his father couldn’t see him. “He… He killed someone. With his mind. I don’t know how, but that’s what he did.”

Hux could practically hear his father squeeze his phone tighter on the other end.

“Listen to me very closely, Armitage,” he began. “It is of utter importance that Kylo Ren is brought back. He is a danger to society when he is out there. He is a danger to _you._ Tell me where you are.”

Hux looked out at the street outside the phone box. It looked like a poor town. Probably high crime.

“Armitage,” his father repeated.

It was almost completely dark outside now, and Hux wondered if Kylo had dumped the body yet.

His mind flashed back to their fight not even three hours ago.

_Freak._

The word rang in Hux’s ears, and that stab he had felt in his gut earlier from seeing the pain in Kylo’s eyes, returned.

“What is Project Harvester?” Hux asked his father, suddenly.

His father went quiet, an all too telling sign.

“Tell me what it is,” demanded Hux. “And don’t give me some bullshit explanation about it being some special military operation.”

“It _is_ a special military operation,” his father insisted, having found his voice again.

“You’re lying! Tell me the truth!” Hux barked at him.

“This is information that is way over your security clearance. I can’t tell you this - especially not over the phone,” said his father, trying his best to hold back information.

Hux slammed the palm of his hand into the side of the phone box, and he was certain his father could hear it. “I saw Kylo lift a man off the ground and break his neck with his thoughts! I think my security clearance is more than high enough! You will tell me about Project Harvester, or this will be the last time you see me or Kylo again. He seems more than capable to disappear, if he wants to.”

That they weren’t together anymore and Hux had no idea where Kylo was at the moment, was a fact his father didn’t need to know.

“Fine,” his father finally said. “I will tell you.”

He took a deep breath, and then he started speaking, “There are individuals in this world that are capable of doing things that you can’t even imagine. They are able to use their minds to bend reality and control other people, among other things. They are immensely powerful and extremely dangerous. With their power honed and in the right hands, however, they can be an asset. Project Harvester is a program that train these individuals.”

Hux remembered how Kylo hadn’t wanted to elaborate on Project Harvester when he had asked him about it. And he remembered that time on the pier when Kylo had let slip about being allowed to go outside in Arkanis. How Hux had conveniently felt that sudden piercing headache when he had questioned him.

It had to have been Kylo. He had done that to him so he wouldn’t ask questions. And maybe… to protect him.

“How do you train them?” asked Hux darkly, but he was certain he already knew the answer.

“It’s a strict program, based on a balance between control and obedience,” his father spoke with pride in his voice.

“Obedience,” repeated Hux, painfully aware what that word meant in his father’s vocabulary. “You mean you force them.”

“They need to learn how to control their powers, Armitage, or they will be a danger to everyone around them.”

His father was clearly fully convinced that there were no problems with what he was doing. After all, the end always justified the means.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this,” Hux told him. “I knew you were a megalomaniac, but I never thought you’d do something like this.”

“Armitage, tell me where you are,” his father said, and there was a sudden desperation in his voice. “If you give us Kylo, I’ll make sure the troopers don’t come after you. We’ll forget what you did to me when you ran away. We’ll forget the whole affair. You can come back and everything will be just like before.”

Hux listened to his father beg him to do his bidding. To anyone on the outside, it might sound sad, heartbreaking even, to hear his father practically pleading with him to turn Kylo in and return to the Academy; a father worried about his son’s safety. But Hux knew it wasn’t so. His father wasn’t worried about him. He was only worried about one thing: his own reputation.

“Nothing can ever be like before,” Hux told him, and then he hung up.

Hux almost stumbled out of the phone box. He felt dazed. There was something inside his chest that was so unbearably painful that he couldn’t stand it. He needed to get it out, no matter how.

He continued walking down the main street, then turned down a narrow pathway between two tall buildings. At the end of it, he spotted a small gang of four young boys loitering. They were smoking and talking loudly.

“Hey!” Hux called to them.

They immediately turned to him, most likely expecting him to be the police or some other authority there to chase them away.

“I’m not here to cause you any trouble,” he assured them, moving closer.

“Then what do you want from us, mate?” one of them asked, letting cigarette smoke seep out between his lips as he did.

“Would you… Would you do me a favour?” Hux asked them nervously. Not because he was afraid of them, but because he was afraid they would say no.

“What kind of favour?” the same boy asked, clearly the leader of the little gang.

“Would you beat me up?” Hux asked them, licking his lips.

“Are you mental?” said the leader, and the others laughed.

Hux laughed a little nervously too. “No, I… I just -” He reached into the backpack for his wallet and pulled out all of his cash. “I’ll pay you. Here,” he said and forced the money into the boy’s hand.

The boy looked at Hux as if he had lost his mind. Then he turned to the rest of the gang, who just shrugged. It seemed like they had made their decision.

The four of them surrounded Hux, and then the leader threw the first punch. He landed a solid hit right on Hux’s left cheekbone. The second hit came from behind, into the back of his head. The third was a kick so hard to his right knee that he collapsed to the ground.

He wasn’t able to keep count of all the hits after that, but they were many and they were hard. By the time the boys stopped and disappeared, leaving him lying on the ground, Hux could feel himself bleeding more than one place, and he knew he would be covered in bruises the next morning.

But it hadn’t worked. The pain that had been tearing at him after the conversation with his father, was still there. It was like his lungs were constricted and his chest was about to give in on itself.

Hux thought he had been the strong one. The one in control. But he had no control. It was Kylo that had been the strong one all along. He had saved his life, and Hux had left him.

He couldn't remember the last time he had cried, because crying meant that he was feeling something, and that hadn’t been the case in so many years. But lying there on the asphalt, he felt tears well up in his eyes, and they ran down his face, mixing with the blood and the grime, until they turned into sobs and the sobs turned into silent gasps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of shit just went down. Hux is having a major issue with feeling anything at all. That's going to be hard for him. He should probably try to find Kylo again. I don't think he is doing too good either.
> 
> \-----
> 
> A little heads up: I will be super busy the next five weeks or so. I'll write when I can, but I won't have a lot of time. So the next update will likely take some time before it comes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It didn't take as long as I thought to get a new chapter up, so yay for that! I think something like 90% of this chapter was written on public transport, because that was mostly when I had time for it :P
> 
> This chapter isn't as action packed as the previous one, but it contains a lot of Hux trying to ignore his gross new feelings by doing stupid things.

Hux spent much of that evening and night walking mindlessly around town. He was limping after the damage to his leg, and it only became more and more painful as the hours passed. He didn't know how late it was when he came upon a small park and found a bench. Past Hux would never have lied down on that bench, but current Hux had given away all of his money, and he was in pain, physically and emotionally. He needed rest, and right now it didn't matter if that rest came in the form of a park bench.

It was a little cold, so Hux opened his backpack to take out an extra jumper, and he found not just the other new clothes Kylo had put in there, but also the jumper Kylo had borrowed from him. He pulled it out and lifted it up to his face. He hadn’t really paid attention to what Kylo smelled like, but when he held it up to his nose, Hux still recognised it as him. A faint earthy odour and a not unpleasant smell of sweat.

He lied back down on the bench and put the somewhat stretched jumper over him like a blanket. Lying there, he looked straight up at the starry night sky. He tried to recall the constellations from the star show, but he couldn't remember all of them, and he could only find Orion and the big and small dipper. He had no idea where the phoenix was. Just like Kylo, its whereabouts was unknown to him.

Hux shut his eyes, trying to force Kylo out of his head. He hated him so much. He hated how Kylo talked to him, and he hated how he stared. He hated how he touched him, and he hated his stupid hair.

It wasn’t a good look for him to be this emotional, and Hux kept telling himself to get a grip. To gain some goddamn self control. He should have killed Kylo when he first had the chance, then he wouldn’t be in this stupid mess at all. But the truth was that he was glad he hadn’t. And that was what he hated most of all: that he wished Kylo was here right now, and that he wanted him to hold him like that night in the hotel.

Hux wrapped his arms around himself, and eventually he fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

It was early morning when Hux woke up next. The starry sky from when he had lied down, was now replaced by a pale blue sunny one, and the temperature was rather pleasant. In the trees surrounding him, birds were cheerily singing. 

It would have been a nice morning if it wasn't for the fact that Hux was hurting absolutely everywhere. He made a move to sit up on the bench, but his body protested so loudly, he had to lie back down again.

“You fucking idiot,” he told himself under his breath, before he forced himself to try again.

He groaned miserably as he pushed himself up into a seated position. His body had stiffened completely during the night, so he took his time loosening up his muscles the best he could in his current state, rolling his neck and kneading his lower back and shoulders.

When he finally decided to stand up, his body complained again, especially his leg, followed by two things: the feeling of a full bladder in desperate need to be emptied, and a loud rumbling noise from his stomach.

Hux looked around him. There was no one around. Did it really matter if he simply went into the bushes and took a piss? At this point, he realised he was beyond caring about miniscule things like that (he had just slept on a park bench, for god’s sake), so he stepped behind a bush and did his business with a small sigh of relief.

He then realised he hadn’t eaten anything since the evening at the hunter’s house, and that was quite a while ago by now. He knew there were some dry foods in the backpack, but going through them he realised they weren't of much use without at least some hot water. In slight desperation, because his stomach was loudly complaining by this point, he ripped open a bag of noodles and ate them dry.

It was a miserable meal, and it didn't settle his hunger even in the slightest. He needed something more, except… he didn't have any money.

Shit. How was he going to get food without money?

Hux sighed in frustration. If only Kylo had been here, he could probably convince someone to give them money with his mind tricks or however he did that. But Kylo wasn’t here, so Hux had to figure this out on his own, and there was no goddamn point in even thinking about him.

He put his backpack on and walked out of the small park, back towards the centre of town. There had to be someplace he could get food. He passed a few people on the street, who all stared at him skeptically and made sure to take a long way around to avoid him. Hux didn’t know what he looked like, but he knew he was both dirty and bloody from the evening before, and if how he was feeling was any indication at all, he likely looked like absolute shit.

There was a shopping mall close to the town centre, and Hux stood outside for an hour, waiting for it to open. He needed somewhere to clean up, and their restrooms would be useful. He entered the disabled lavatory because it had more space, and locked the door behind him. Looking at himself in the mirror, he realised that his earlier assumption had been correct: he did look like absolute shit.

Hux took in the work that the boys had done the night before: he was dirty from pretty much head to toe, and his jumper had torn at his left arm; his hair was a mess, full of grime; just above his right eyebrow, was a small cut that had bled down the side of his face into his sideburn, making his hair stick there; his left eye was already turning dark, on its way to a serious black eye; his bottom lip had split, and bled into the stubbles on his chin; and even though he had tried to wipe it away last night, there was still some dried blood under his nose, some of it having been smeared across to his cheek.

Leaning a little closer to the mirror, Hux noticed some bruises at the bottom of his throat, near his collar bones. Those weren't from the boys. Those were from the hunter. He touched them with light fingers, his mind flashing back to that night and what had happened, but then going further back, to the drinking and the dancing. To Kylo, again, and how he had led Hux in that slow dance. And to how  _ warm _ Hux had felt.

Hux shook his head hard, shaking the thoughts and the accompanying feelings they gave him, away. Then he gently, so as not to cause himself unnecessary pain, removed all of his clothes. There were several red marks and beginning bruises all over his body, but he was sure he hadn't broken anything. Even his knee, which had swollen to almost twice the size of its sibling and was very sore to the touch, Hux knew would be okay. It would just take some time.

He started cleaning himself, using the dispenser soap and paper towels available. It was in no way ideal, but at least it would make sure he didn't look like a bum anymore. The soap stung painfully in contact with his open wounds, and it smelled horribly clinical. But Hux would much rather smell like a hospital corridor than a trash can, so he used it generously. The last thing he did, was stick his head under the sink and rinse it through with the same soap.

He meant to take out his second set of clothes and put them on when he was done, but something made him pull out Kylo’s new clothes instead. They were too big for him, but he didn’t care, and by the time he had worked himself into the all black attire and looked at himself in the mirror, he kind of liked what he saw. His hair was basically a flaming beacon against all the black.

He threw the dirty and bloodied clothes in the trash, thereby relieving his backpack of some weight. He wouldn't be able to clean those anyway. But he didn't throw away the jumper that Kylo had borrowed.

Walking through the shopping mall, Hux found a supermarket and decided to go in. He casually walked up and down the isles, checking out their assortment. Then, when he was sure no one was around, he quickly stuffed a ham and cheese sandwich and a bottle of water inside his jacket. Then he strolled out of the shop, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. He didn’t have much of a pulse as he did. He expected that he would get away with it.

Just as he was about to exit the shopping mall itself, there was a voice behind him, “Sir, you have to come with me.”

Hux turned to look into the face of a middle-aged, somewhat overweight security guard. He had two options, it seemed: he could go with him, or he could run. He wasn’t in great shape for running at the moment because of his knee, but he wasn’t about to be taken in by this security guard. He would simply have to push through the pain.

Hux looked at the exit, then back at the guard, and it seemed as if the guard understood what he was thinking.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he told Hux, using a not particularly intimidating line he had probably learned at some security seminar.

But you’re not me, Hux thought to himself. Then he turned and sprinted out the exit. His knee immediately shrieked in pain at the movement, but Hux ignored it, and kept running as fast he could. He looked behind him, and saw the security guard following him, but he was quickly falling behind. If Hux could keep up his speed for just a while longer, he would be able to lose him. So he kept running, turning here and there to make the chase more difficult.

Eventually, he found himself back at the park he had spent the night in, only coming from another entrance. He turned again to see if anyone was following him still, but it seemed he had escaped. His knee was hurting so much from all the running, that Hux thought he might collapse to the ground if he didn’t sit down. So he made his way back to the bench he had slept on, where he stretched his leg out. He grimaced at the pain, then put the water bottle to his knee. It wasn’t ice, but at least it was cold, and it gave him some relief.

Hux sat on the bench for quite a while, eating the sandwich he had stolen, and waiting for his knee to feel a little better. He realised that he couldn’t stay in this town. He had no money and no way of making any, and there was nowhere for him to stay. He should find someone new to hike with, so he could go further south to a larger city.

Very slowly, he made his way to the highway going past town. This time he didn’t have to wait too long before a car stopped. Inside it was a young man about his own age, with tanned skin and lush dark hair.

“Hey, where are you headed?” he asked, flashing Hux a winning smile.

“South,” Hux answered.

“Just south?”

Hux shrugged.

“Fair enough,” he said. “Get in.”

Hux got into the passenger seat.

“I’m Poe. What’s your name?” the driver asked, sending Hux another bright white smile.

“Bill,” Hux answered him, giving him a quick smile in return for the sake of politeness.

“What are you on the road for?”

“Just traveling around,” said Hux, not bothering to come up with a better answer.

Poe nodded. “And, pardon my French, but what the hell happened to you?”

It wasn’t that Hux in any way had forgotten what state he was in at the moment, but he wasn’t continuously looking at his own face, and therefore it was at least partially out of his mind.

“This?” he gestured to his own face. He wasn’t really sure what to tell him, but then his mouth just started speaking, and he found himself telling the same story that Kylo had told the idiot pickup driver - that he had been robbed at gunpoint.

“Holy shit,” Poe exclaimed when Hux finished his story. “Are you okay? Have you talked to the police? Does your family know?”

“Mostly, no, and I don’t have any family,” said Hux. The last one was the closest to the truth.

“I’m sorry,” offered Poe.

There were a few minutes of silence, before Poe said, “I’m starting to feel a little peckish. Are you hungry? I realise you don’t have any money, but it’s my treat.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Hux told him.

“It’s the least I can do after what you’ve been through. Besides, I’m kind of trying to live by the pay it forward principle. I help you now, and then later, you can help someone else.”

“That’s commendable,” Hux told him. Only too bad Hux’s story was a big fat lie.

They stopped at a restaurant by the road, and Poe treated him to a tasty meal. Hux ate while Poe talked. He told him that he was a commercial airline pilot, that he was on holiday at the moment, and that he was going south to meet a friend to go mountain climbing.

“What do you do?” Poe finally asked Hux.

“Nothing, at the moment,” Hux answered him truthfully.

Poe laughed. “When you’re not hitchhiking or getting robbed, I mean.”

Hux shot him a look. He was a cheeky bastard, and Hux wasn’t overly fond of those, but Poe somehow made up for the bastard part by also being very charming.

“I’m a teacher,” Hux lied.

“Cool, what do you teach?”

“Literature.”

“Like Shakespeare and stuff?”

“And stuff,” said Hux, finding himself judging Poe for that comment.

“I don’t really read that much. I’m more of a movie kind of guy.”

You don’t say, Hux thought, but kept it to himself.

They were back on the road not too long after, and Poe happily chatted away as they drove. When it started to darken, and they still hadn’t made a final stop in any city, Poe cleared his throat, and as he started speaking, his tone of voice was different.

“So um… It’s getting late and I was going to take into a motel. If you want to keep going south, you can ride with me again tomorrow. And if you want to, we could um... share a motel room tonight.”

Taken a little aback, Hux looked at Poe. His brown eyes darted quickly back and forth between Hux and the road in front of them. Hux hadn't expected this offer - not at all. But it wasn't a bad one. He would get to spend the night in a bed. Have a shower even. And all he had to do in return, was to have sex with this man. 

“I mean, unless I’ve read you completely wrong,” Poe added, and Hux could see how his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

“No, you’ve read me right,” Hux told him. “And yes, I suppose we could do that.”

Poe let out a relieved laugh. “Good,” he smiled. “Great.”

They drove for maybe ten more minutes before they saw a sign for a roadside motel, and all the while Hux could feel the anticipation radiating from Poe. He kept glancing at him and flashing him smiles. He was quite handsome, thought Hux. His hair was great, and that stubble he had going on, was a good look for him. He looked to be in pretty good shape as well, from what Hux had seen so far.

Outside the motel, Poe parked the car and they both got out, heading for the reception. It was a pretty nice place, for a motel, and Hux was satisfied that this was where he would be spending his night.

The two of them walked in silence toward the room they had been given, but the second they were inside it, Poe was on him. Hux didn’t have time to breathe, before Poe’s mouth was covering his, and it hurt. Hux’s busted lip had barely closed, and if Poe kept this up, it would open up again in no time.

“Mmmf,” Hux let out and pushed Poe away from him.

Poe stared at him with large, almost frightened eyes and an open mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come on too strong,” he said, apologetically.

“The lip,” Hux pointed out. “I think maybe we should keep the kissing to a bare minimum.”

“Oh yeah, sure,” Poe nodded.

He moved towards Hux again, putting his hands on his waist and his lips on the side of his neck instead. He softly kissed Hux’s skin, as his hands snuck around his waist, resting there. He was way too gentle, maybe a little scared even after Hux had pointed out his busted lip. It looked like Hux had to take charge it he wanted any sort of pleasure out of this at all.

Hux pushed the leather jacket Poe was wearing, off of him onto the floor, and pulled Poe closer. He did it roughly, signaling to him that this was what he wanted. Simultaneously, he bucked his hips against him, showing him that there was no need for all this foreplay business. It wasn’t working out anyway. It never worked out.

Except when Kylo did it.

Hux’s cock suddenly came alive at the thought of Kylo. At how he used to kiss his neck - rougher, to the point where it would leave marks, but always below the line of where the collar of his uniform went. And to how he would bite and suck on his nipples so deliciously.

Hux growled and Poe froze.

“Are you okay?” he asked, and Hux wished he wouldn’t. He didn’t want him to care for him. He wanted him to fuck him.

Hux huffed, grabbed Poe’s hand and dragged him with him over to the bed. “Get your clothes off.”

As Poe stripped, Hux did the same, and soon enough the two men were naked in front of each other. Hux was already hard thanks to where his mind had taken him, and Poe was halfway there.

Hux moved in on Poe. He was quite a bit taller than him, and it gave him a familiar feeling of power to put his hand in his hair and tug at it. It was softer than Kylo’s, Hux noticed.

Poe inhaled sharply as Hux forcefully pulled his head back a little, and then a moan escaped his lips. He grabbed his hand again and led it to his cock, before he wrapped his own hand around Poe’s. In unison, they started stroking each other. It was nice, but Poe was still way too gentle for what Hux preferred.

“Tighter,” Hux told him, pushing into his hand. Thankfully, Poe listened to him and hardened his grip on him as he kept stroking him, but it still wasn’t quite right.

Why couldn’t he just do it the way Kylo did it?

Annoyed at not getting what he wanted but again feeling aroused by the thought of Kylo’s hands on him, Hux moved onto the bed. “Just fuck me, okay,” Hux told Poe, who looked a little overwhelmed.

“You have condoms and lube, yes?” asked Hux.

“Yeah,” nodded Poe.

“Then get them. What are you waiting for?”

Poe almost ran over to his bag by the door, where he digged out condoms and a small bottle of lube.

“Give me the lube,” ordered Hux, holding his hand out for it.

Poe handed him the small bottle, and Hux opened it, squeezing out enough to coat two of his own fingers. He leaned back against the pillows on the bed, pulled his legs up and led his hand down to the entrance of his ass. Breathing out, he let one finger slip inside.

He closed his eyes as he pushed the finger into himself and crooked it, finding the good spot inside him. He quickly and impatiently worked his finger in and out, readying himself for another, and as he pushed the second one in, his thoughts went straight to how Kylo had teased him that one time. Hux imagined that it was his fingers that were inside him right now. That it was him that was working Hux open to ready him for his cock.

There was a moan, and Hux was pulled out of his fantasy. He opened his eyes to see Poe standing in front of him, stroking himself eagerly, with his eyes fixed on Hux’s fingers inside his ass.

“Do you like to watch?” asked Hux, as if the answer wasn’t obvious, and as he asked, he made sure to pull his legs even further up and dip his fingers in as far as he could get them.

Poe nodded enthusiastically, squeezing himself hard as he did.

“I’m almost ready for you,” Hux told him. He held Poe’s gaze as he kept fucking himself with his fingers, spreading them inside him.

Poe just stared at him, mesmerized, continuing to jerk off. He had quite the nice cock, and Hux was sure he would be a satisfying fuck.

Hux pulled his fingers out of himself, wiped them on the sheets, then turned himself around so he was on all fours. He stood like that for a few seconds, waiting for Poe, but for some reason, he didn’t seem to take the hint.

Sighing, Hux turned to look at Poe over his shoulder. He was still standing at the edge of the bed, touching himself while looking at Hux.

“Are you going to fuck me, or what?” said Hux, annoyed.

“Yeah,” said Poe, shaking his head as if coming out of some trance. Hux watched as he put on a condom, before he crawled onto the bed and lined himself up behind him.

“ _ Don’t _ be gentle,” Hux pointed out.

Poe slid into him, groaning as he filled Hux up. Then he started working in and out of him, slowly at first, but soon enough working up quite the pace. Thank god he was at least fast, Hux thought to himself.

His knee hurt a little at standing on all fours like that, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. He made sure to push back against Poe and squeeze every time he bottomed out inside him, searching for the pleasure he knew he should have no problem finding at this point. But it was missing.

Hux closed his eyes and grabbed his own cock, letting his mind wander to Kylo again. Behind him, Poe grunted as he pushed into him with an admirable speed. Hux was sure Kylo wouldn’t fuck him like that, but he could pretend. He could pretend that what was inside him right now, was the cock he had traced the outline of that night in the hotel. He could pretend that the hands holding onto his hips were the ones that had touched him so many times. And he could pretend that the sounds of heated pleasure coming from behind him, came from Kylo’s mouth.

And those thoughts were enough for him to reach his peak. Heat spread through his body, gathering at his balls, and he sighed as he spilled all over the sheets below him.

Not long after, Poe made a final push into him as he came too. He panted, staying inside Hux longer than he would have liked, before he pulled out and collapsed onto the bed.

“That was really great,” he told Hux, out of breath.

“Yeah,” Hux agreed for the sake of simplicity. He got up from the bed and headed to the bathroom. “I’ll go get a shower.”

Hux made sure to lock the bathroom door behind him. He didn’t want Poe to come in after him. He stood in the shower, leaning against the wall, and let the warm water pool down his sore body. He wasn’t feeling well at all. He had the strange sensation that he was a fraud - that he was lying to himself. And there was a voice somewhere inside him that kept nudging at him. What the hell are you doing, it asked him, and Hux had no answer.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Kylo. After Hux had left him, it was like he had stayed with him inside his head, and it was way more intrusive than when he had read his mind, because now he was in there  _ all the time. _

Unfortunately, Hux knew there was only one solution to his problem, and it was the solution he had tried to ignore: he had to find Kylo again. He didn’t know how, but he knew he had to.

As he came out of the bathroom again, Poe got up from the bed. “My turn,” he smiled, brushing Hux’s arm as he passed him.

Hux listened outside the door, and the second he heard Poe turn on the shower, he quickly got dressed and put his backpack on. He then took Poe’s wallet and car keys out from his trousers, and was about to make for the door. But he turned again and looked at the bag and the clothes strewn on the floor. Quickly, Hux grabbed the clothes, stuffed them into the bag and threw it over his shoulder. Then he quietly opened the door and left.

 

* * *

 

Hux drove for a couple of hours before he pulled off the highway onto a sleepy country road, where he stopped for the night. It was too bad he wouldn't get to sleep in a bed, but he would rather sleep alone in this car, than together with Poe.

The next morning he kept driving until he came to the first large city. He wasn’t sure where Kylo would go, but Hux thought that a large city would be easier for him to hide in, and therefore decided this was his best bet for now. 

He parked the car in a parking lot on the outskirts of the city. He took all the cash from Poe’s wallet, then went through his bag and car boot, but didn’t find anything but clothes, toiletries and climbing equipment. Nothing Hux had any use for. He then locked the car and left the keys on top of one of the rear tires.

He jumped on a train into the city centre after, where he walked around for hours, searching. Eventually, his knee forced him to sit down on a street bench to relax. He sighed as he looked at all the people that hasted by him on the busy sidewalk. This was idiotic. How was he ever going to find Kylo like this? He could walk around for weeks in this city, hoping and willing to somehow bump into him, but still never find him. He didn’t even know if he was here or would come here. It was just a poorly calculated guess.

Hux leaned back on the bench, looking up at the fluffy white clouds that lazily passed overhead.

Where are you, he thought.

When he sat up again, the crowd of people continuously moving past him, parted just long enough for Hux to spot the entrance to a pub on the other side of the street. It looked like any old pub, but the name on the front was what made Hux almost gape.

_ Phoenix Rising. _

Then the crowd thickened again, and Hux couldn’t get up from the bench fast enough to push his way through all the people until he found himself in front of the doors to the pub. He had to blink a few times to make absolutely sure that what he was seeing was correct.

Now, Hux didn’t believe in fate, but if this wasn’t a sign, he didn’t know what was.

Suddenly eager, Hux pulled the doors open and entered the dark pub. There weren't a lot of people there at this time of day. He took a walk around the room, checking every nook and cranny of the place, before he had to conclude that Kylo wasn’t there. His stomach knotted.

Disappointed, Hux went to to the bar and sat down.

“What can I get you?” a smiling young girl behind the bar asked him. She had this strange three-tailed hairdo going on, which Hux guessed was probably a cool hipster thing.

“Just a tap beer, please.”

“Sure thing,” she said, grabbing a glass and pouring it perfectly to the brim.

Hux sipped slowly at the beer, as the bartender did some cleaning and occasionally helped some other guests.

After a few minutes, she came over to him. “Why are you all glum, then?”

Hux almost rolled his eyes at her. He didn’t answer.

“Sorry for asking,” she said and went back to her own business.

Hux drank his beer in peace, then ordered another one, which he drank a lot faster. As the girl turned away after serving him the third glass, Hux opened his mouth.

“I’m looking for someone,” he said, unsure why he was telling her this.

The bartender turned back to him again, her face attentive. She didn’t seem angry that he had blown her off earlier. She was probably used to it.

“And who is it you’re looking for?” she asked.

Hux paused. “A… friend. We had a fight, and I left, and now I’m trying to find him again. I thought he might be here.”

She put her hands on the counter, leaning on it. “What does he look like? I might remember him if he’s been in here. I’m pretty good with faces.”

“Um,” Hux began. ”He’s really tall - taller than me, broadly built, very fit. And he has dark wavy hair almost to his shoulders, and brown eyes.”

“Sounds like a handsome guy,” she smiled, and Hux’s stomach made a small somersault. “But he doesn't sound familiar. Sorry.”

“I guess it was too much to hope for,” he muttered, drinking more.

She studied him for a minute, then said, “Cheer up! You’ll find him.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

She shrugged. “I just have a feeling about it.”

Hux frowned at her, then watched as she grabbed a round tray from the counter behind her and left the bar, leaving Hux to himself.

As evening fell, and more and more people entered the pub, Hux decided to move from the bar to a small table in a corner, where he could brood in peace. He wanted to drink more, but he was sensible enough not to get drunk alone in this place or in this city, so he ordered ginger beer instead.

He didn't know exactly why he continued to sit there as the place filled up, growing ever noisier. Maybe it was the name of the bar, maybe it was because he had nowhere else to go, or maybe it was what the bartender had said. Maybe it was all of the above. He didn’t have a good reason, other than that he really wanted to see Kylo again, so he waited.

It was almost closing time, and Hux had pretty much given up when the door to the pub opened and a tall dark-haired man with broad shoulders, entered. He walked into the pub, casually and confident, one hand in his pocket, running the other through his hair.

Hux’s breath caught in his throat as he spotted him. Kylo hadn’t seen him. Not yet. But he looked around him as if searching for something. Searching for someone. For him?

Kylo’s eyes went around the room, until they finally found Hux seated alone in the corner. He locked his eyes on him, and heat unfurled in Hux’s stomach as he did.

As Kylo walked towards his table, Hux’s nerves went all over the place. His body heated, his feet became restless, and his palms suddenly went clammy. He could barely breathe. Kylo looked good. Great, actually. Way better than the mess Hux knew he looked like. But Kylo didn't seem to be paying attention to his bruised eyebrow, black eye or busted lip. In fact, he seemed to ignore everything around him. His focus was on Hux’s eyes and his eyes alone.

When he reached the table, he remained standing and silent. A strange sensation to what Hux knew as shyness, settled in his body. His eyes flickered to the floor, before he dared to look up at Kylo again.

“Hi,” he said, his voice almost a whisper.

A slight crooked smile appeared at the corner of Kylo’s mouth. “Hi,” he greeted him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I made Hux steal all your stuff including your clothes, Poe! It seems you always pull the short straw in my fics :P
> 
> I'm still super busy, so the same goes for the next chapter as it did with this one. I don't know when it will be up, but I will write as often as I can! Thank you for reading, for waiting, and especially for commenting <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a new chapter! I'm sorry it took so long, but I hope this chapter will make up for the wait and be to your, um, satisfaction ;)

Hux had followed Kylo out of the pub. As they passed the bar, he had caught the bartender’s eye and she had smiled warmly at him as she saw them together. She had been right, after all. Hux had found him. Or rather, they had found each other.

They had walked in silence to a nearby hotel. It was a fancy one, and Hux had wondered for a second how Kylo had been able to afford a room there. Perhaps he had cheated someone new out of money or manipulated the hotel staff to let him stay for free. Hux didn’t know, and he realised it didn’t matter. He couldn’t judge him for any of the things he did, considering what he himself had done.

They were standing across from each other now, in the hotel room. They still hadn't spoken since they left the pub, but Kylo broke the silence.

“You’re wearing my clothes,” he pointed out.

Hux looked down at himself and the all black attire. “Yeah, I… I don’t know, I just liked them.”

Kylo took a step closer and tugged at the distressed jumper Hux was wearing. His fingers barely grazed his upper arm, but it still sent jolts of electricity down his spine.

“They look good on you,” said Kylo. “A little big, but other than that. The all black really brings out your red hair and pale skin.”

Hux could feel his face grow warm at the compliment, as Kylo moved his hand up to gently push a ginger strand of hair away from his forehead. He then let his index fingers go to the cut above Hux’s eyebrow, and it was as if he only now noticed the state Hux was in.

“What happened?” he asked, brows knitted.

Too embarrassed to tell him the truth, Hux shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I’m okay.”

Kylo didn’t push the subject. Instead he leaned in on him, and his warm lips found Hux’s in a long needed kiss. Kylo took his mouth slowly at first, his tongue slipping in and finding Hux’s to play with. But soon enough their kisses grew hungrier. Hux’s lip hurt at the rough treatment it was getting, but he didn’t care if the wound opened up again. It was hurting because Kylo was there and his mouth was on his, and that was all that mattered.

Hux reached out for him, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling himself closer. His fingers dug into Kylo’s back, and Kylo answered with a low growl. In an almost painful desperation to touch him, Hux forgot what had happened before, and he snuck his hands under Kylo’s jacket and jumper, finding warm skin. It was barely a second, but Kylo reacted immediately, instinctively, jumping away from him.

Hux was terrified he would react the same way as that evening a few nights ago, and at first he thought he would. His fists were clenched and his breathing came in rapid bursts.

Kylo scowled at him, his pupils dilated, and then Hux felt a now familiar tingling sensation at his temple. It was subtle, and not altogether unpleasant. It was just different. He had seen it as an invasion when Kylo had first told him he had read his mind, and he still didn’t fully grasp it, but if this was what Kylo needed to reassure himself of Hux’s motives (or lack thereof), he would gladly allow it.

Hux closed his eyes, and he didn't open them again until he could no longer feel the tingling at the side of his head. He rubbed the spot with his fingers as he looked at a Kylo who was once again calm.

“You can feel me when I’m in there,” Kylo said. He seemed surprised.

“Just barely,” answered Hux, tapping at his temple. “A slight tingling, here.”

“Most people can’t feel anything at all. You’re -” he stopped mid-sentence.

“I’m what?”

“Special,” he finished.

Hux would have snorted out loud at that statement if it wasn’t for the sincerity in Kylo’s voice. He truly meant what he said, and heated pride spread in Hux’s chest, knowing he thought so.

“I shouldn’t have done it without permission,” Kylo told him.

Hux shook his head. “It’s fine.”

“I won’t do it again unless you say I can.”

Hux smiled carefully at him. He could only imagine what a sacrifice it must be for him to let go of that safety net, and he greatly appreciated it.

Kylo slowly removed his jacket then, keeping his eyes on Hux as he did. Hux, realising what he was doing, stood rooted to the spot, letting him do whatever he wanted to do, in the time he needed to do it.

The jacket was messily dropped on the floor, before Kylo took a deep breath and pulled his jumper off as well, leaving his upper body exposed for Hux to see for the very first time.

His body was basically perfection. Every single muscle was worked and built to its most quintessent form; protruding veins running up the length of his strong arms. But that wasn’t what Hux noticed when he looked at him, because his body was absolutely covered in new and old scars, wounds that had recently closed, and still fainting bruises that could only have been made right before they left the Academy.

Hux stared at him, eyes wide at the sight. What had they done to him to make him look like that? What had they put him through? With the information his father had given him about Project Harvester, he could only imagine.

It seemed then, that Kylo had had enough. He held his jumper up over his chest and stomach, covering his body with it, and with his eyes turned to the floor, he spoke, “I knew you’d find it disgusting.”

He went to pull the jumper back over his head, but Hux stepped forward. “No!”

Kylo stopped and his eyes met Hux’s again. The wounded look was back in them, silently begging Hux for his approval while simultaneously fearing denial.

“You’re not disgusting,” Hux reassured him, a painful tug in his stomach at once again seeing Kylo like that.

He wanted to reach out for him and touch him - to make him understand that he was wanted and desired in every sense of those words. That Hux longed to feel his warm skin underneath his fingertips. That Hux had refused to admit it to himself, but that he had been dreaming about this. He wanted to make Kylo understand that he was… beautiful.

Hux moved towards him. “Can I... touch you?” he asked in almost a whisper, right hand raised in hopeful anticipation.

Kylo hesitated, looking warily at Hux’s hand, and Hux was certain he would turn him down, but then he nodded.

Carefully, Hux reached out for his lower arm, his fingers grazing the uneven skin riddled with scars, caressing the softness of his inner wrist. Moving slowly upwards, his fingertips followed the trail of one of his veins until he came to a stop right below his elbow where he found a scar that looked all too much like the remnants of a bullet wound. He circled it softly, and he could feel Kylo’s muscles tense up at the touch.

Hux pulled his hand back. “Do you want me to stop?”

Kylo shook his head slowly. “No, it’s just… No one’s ever touched me like this before.”

It was curious how sad that made Hux feel, and he wanted to rectify it. Truthfully, Hux had never touched anyone the way he was now touching Kylo either.

He reached out for him again, his fingers returning to the bullet wound scar. “How did you get this?”

There was a low, dry sound at the back of Kylo’s throat. Perhaps it was too much, too soon to ask about it. But Kylo surprised him by answering.

“It’s almost three years old now,” he began, his voice a little stiff as he recollected the memory. “My powers are instinctively triggered if I’m under pressure, and they tested me a lot that way at the Academy, to find out what I could do. They had this fucked up idea that I might be able to dodge bullets. I told them I couldn’t do it. I knew my own limits well enough at that point to know for sure that it was impossible. But they didn’t believe me. They had to test it - for _scientific purposes_ , you know.”

Kylo let out a bitter laugh, and all Hux could do while listening to his story was continue to touch him, stroking his hand over his bicep now, coming to a halt at his shoulder. Feeling the sharp angles of it, he squeezed it, encouraging Kylo to continue.

“It was just like being at a shooting range, only I was the target. First, they took a few test shots that didn’t hit me, to see what I would do. And I tried, even though I knew I couldn’t do it. I could feel the bullets - their speed, their weight, their pure energy. I could trace them. I could almost even tell exactly where they would hit. But I couldn’t stop them. Bullets are too fast.”

Hux examined his face, noticing the crease between his brows, the dark almost black eyes, and the tight jaw. He looked so pained.

“Then they shot me. They got me by the elbow first. It was strange though, cause even though I knew they had hit me, it didn’t really hurt straight away. It was just this burning sensation. Then the other bullet hit me, here.” He pointed to another scar at his right abdomen. “It was like someone hit me with a baseball bat, and that’s when the pain set it. It hurt so fucking much, I went straight to my knees. I was praying to pass out, but I never did.”

He put the flat of his hand over the scar, as he continued, “I sat slumped on the floor for ages before anyone came to help me, basically bleeding out. They were afraid, you see, that I was just pretending. That I wasn’t as badly injured as I let on. That I would attack them if they came close. Fair enough, I suppose, I had done that before. ”

Hux shook his head. He would like to say it was in disbelief at Kylo’s story, but unfortunately he could believe it. Instead, he put his hand over Kylo’s at his abdomen, his long slim fingers slipping between his larger ones. His other hand continued its journey down Kylo’s collarbone towards his chest, over his heart, feeling the beat of it pick up under his palm as he let it rest there.

Gently, Hux removed the hand Kylo was holding over the bullet wound scar. He led it to his lips, kissing it tenderly, then leaned down and planted a soft kiss to the scar. Kylo’s abs contracted at the touch, but he didn’t pull away and he didn’t protest. Hux kissed his way up his chest, testingly letting his tongue flick out at his nipples when he reached them. Kylo sighed in response to the attention, but he didn’t seem to enjoy it quite as much as Hux himself did.

Reaching his neck, he continued his trail of kisses up to the hinge of his jaw, eventually finding his mouth again. They met in an eager kiss, smashing their mouths together. Kylo pulled Hux tightly to him, holding his body against his, slipping his hands under Hux’s jumper and into the lining at the back of his trousers. Hux shuddered in pleasure at the sudden rush of need Kylo displayed, pushing against him as heat began spreading through his body.

When they finally pulled away from each other, Kylo was breathing heavily and Hux’s lips were throbbing.

Hux looked at Kylo, and almost shyly, he said, “You have to tell me what you like.”

He wasn’t used to caring for other people’s needs and he didn’t quite know how to cater to them. All he knew was that he wanted Kylo to feel good, but he needed him to tell him what he wanted.

A sad smile quickly crossed Kylo’s face, before it disappeared, leaving him looking serious again. “I don’t really know.”

“What do you mean?” Hux asked, confused.

Kylo took a step away from him, but held onto his hand as he walked over to the bed and sat down on it.

“I’ve never had sex with anyone for my own pleasure. I’ve only ever used it as a tool to get what I wanted.”

Hux sat down next to him.

“I learned very quickly that I could use sex to get better treatment at the Academy,” Kylo told him. “There are a whole lot of needy assholes wanting their cocks sucked at that place, and with me being able to read their minds and finding their innermost desires, it was easy.”

“Oh,” uttered Hux, blushing slightly, suddenly realising where the amazing blowjobs had come from, and why.

Kylo brushed his hand through Hux’s hair. “I’m not going to lie, it started out like that with you too. I knew you were the Commandant’s son and I quickly learned how different you were. I knew that I could use you to get out of there.”

Hux’s heart hammered in his chest at this information, and his mouth went dry. He stayed silent, afraid his voice would betray him and crack if he said anything.

Although he wasn’t inside his mind, Kylo still obviously read him. “But it’s not like that anymore.” His knuckles grazed Hux’s cheek. “It wasn’t supposed to happen, but I started to care for you.”

Kylo was being so open and honest about his feelings for Hux, it frightened him a little. Despite having gone through what he had gone through, despite having been hurt as much as he had, he could still sit there and tell Hux that he cared for him.

“I -” Hux began, wanting to tell him that he felt the same, but not able to get the words out.

Sensing his nervousness, Kylo brushed his hand through his hair again, and Hux closed his eyes at the soothing gesture.

“There’s something wrong with me,” Hux confessed silently. “I think… I think I’m a psychopath.”

Kylo kept stroking his hair. “You’re not a psychopath,” he told him.

“You don’t know that,” said Hux, his voice trembling slightly now, as he pulled away from the comfort of Kylo’s hand. “You don’t know what I’m like.”

“Hux,”

But Hux ignored him, getting up from the bed. “You said yourself that I’m a basket case. I was going to kill you! I dreamed about it. Found pleasure in planning it. You can’t tell me that’s normal!”

“But you didn’t do it,” Kylo pointed out, eyes locked on Hux.

Hux opened his mouth to say something, but Kylo broke him off. “I’ve been inside your head,” he reminded him, “and there is way too much hurt in there for you to be a psychopath. Your head has just been protecting you from the pain. It’s covered it up with this cold blanket of apathy and hate.”

Close to shaking where he stood, Hux felt as if he had been turned inside out, with all of his carefully repressed thoughts and memories on display for the world to see and take advantage of.

He took an unsteady breath. “Did you see -” he began, but realised he couldn’t finish the sentence without choking up, so he didn’t.

Kylo stood up from the bed too. He nodded slowly, and Hux couldn’t stop his lower lip from quivering in intense sorrow at the memory of his mother.

 

_“I wish mum could’ve come with us to the library,” Hux told his nanny. He was holding her hand, swinging it back and forth._

_“I know, sweetie, but your mother isn’t feeling well again, so she needs to rest,” his nanny explained to him._

_Hux’s face fell. “I don’t like it when mum is sad. I don’t like it when she cries.”_

_His nanny stopped and squatted in front of him. “Hey,” she said, smiling. “How about we bring something nice back to your mum, hm? Maybe some flowers?”_

_“She likes sunflowers,” Hux said, brightening up at the suggestion. “She says the yellow makes her happy.”_

_They stopped by a flower shop, where the florist made a nice bouquet out of the sunflowers that Hux picked out. He was excited to get home and give them to his mother, longing to see a smile spread across her face as he handed them to her. Then she would hug him and kiss his hair and tell him that she loved him._

_“Mum!” Hux called when they came back to the house._

_She didn’t answer, so Hux threw his jacket on the floor and kicked his shoes off, before he ran upstairs to get to his parents’ bedroom. She usually stayed there when she wasn’t feeling well._

_“Mum!” he called again. “I have a surprise for you!”_

_She still didn’t answer, and Hux figured she must be sleeping. Maybe he shouldn’t yell then. Silently, he tiptoed his way from the top of the staircase towards his parents’ bedroom._

_“Mum?” he whispered as he pushed the door open._

_He froze in the doorway when he saw his mother. She wasn’t sleeping in the large mahogany double bed, like she usually did when she was sad, but hanging from the wooden ceiling fan - a rope around her neck._

_Hux stood there for quite a while, looking at her, the sunflowers in his hands, before his nanny eventually came upstairs and found him there._

_“What are you do-” she began, but then she noticed what Hux was looking at, and she gasped, barely able to hold back a scream that wanted to follow close after._

_“Oh my god,” she kept repeating, as she grabbed Hux and ushered him downstairs into the sitting room, where Hux watched her as she made a number of phone calls, the first to his father._

_When he came home from the Academy the day after, his father simply gave Hux a blank look, before he went to his office and locked himself inside it._

_The next days were silent - all-consuming, choking silence that ended in his mother’s funeral. No one said a word to him. All those adults dressed in black only looked at him with sad eyes, before they spoke to each other in hushed whispers. Hux was able to make out words like “depression” and “suicide” and “how could she”, but he didn’t understand them._

 

“Please, just kiss me,” Hux begged of Kylo, his arms hanging helplessly at his sides.

Kylo was there in an instant, cupping his face with his hands, and covering his lips with his own. There was comfort in him being so close. Comfort and safety and need.

Suddenly impatient, Hux tore his own jumper off in between kisses, leaving him in the same state as Kylo. Both of them half naked made Hux realise how much smaller than Kylo he actually was. He was so big and bulky, while he himself was narrow and almost frail in comparison. But he liked it. He liked the thought of how Kylo could crush him if need be.

Hux wanted to find out what Kylo liked. He wanted to find the small spots on his body that would make him moan and cry out in pleasure. He wanted to make Kylo feel as good as he had made him feel.

Hux went for his neck, and as he licked at a spot right below his ear, Kylo rolled his neck to the side. “Do you like that?” Hux asked him, giving him another lick, and blowing hot air at the wet spot.

“Yeah,” Kylo answered, playfully tugging at the belt loops of Hux’s trousers.

Hux moved up to his ear, taking his entire lobe into his mouth and sucking on it before he bit down. Kylo answered him with a moan, and Hux knew he had found at least one spot he liked. Continuing to tease his ear and neck, Hux testingly scratched his nails over Kylo’s shoulder blades and down his back. Kylo moaned again, louder this time, and he drew Hux closer, pushing up against him. He really liked that, so Hux did it again, and he was rewarded with another grind of his crotch against his own.

Kylo’s hands went to unbutton Hux’s trousers, but Hux grabbed his wrists, effectively stopping him from going any further. Kylo gave him a questioning look.

Hux smiled, “Let me do it to you.”

Kylo’s adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as Hux got on his knees in front of him. Hux’s knee complained a little, but he didn’t care.

“Has anyone done this to you before?” Hux asked him.

Kylo shook his head, and Hux felt a certain responsibility in being the first one. But more than that, he felt a genuine care and pride in being the only one that Kylo had allowed this close.

He reached down and untied his boots, making Kylo step out of them, before he made him lift his feet so he could remove his socks as well. Hux ran the flat of his hands up both of his long legs, stopping midway up his thighs and massaging them through his jeans.

All too aware of the bulge at his crotch, Hux allowed himself to nuzzle against it with his face, making Kylo jerk in response, before working his jeans open and pulling them slowly down his legs.

Kylo stepped out of them, revealing more scars and bruises on the lower part of his body, watching Hux a little warily as he studied them. Hux wanted to kiss every single one of those scars, in hopes of somehow making Kylo hate them and himself a little less. And so he tried, starting at his calves, slowly kissing his way upward, and on the way finding a particularly sensitive spot at the inside of his thigh, that made goosebumps spread across Kylo’s skin. He trembled slightly as Hux let his tongue take the rest of the journey back up to his bulge, which Hux satisfyingly observed had grown larger.

Looking up at him, Hux cupped him on the outside of his boxers, tracing the length and width of his cock. Kylo licked his lips and blinked back at him, his eyes somewhat glazed over.

Hux grabbed the lining of his boxers, forcing them down. He almost gasped at the sight of Kylo’s cock springing free and saluting him. He hadn’t been wrong; Kylo was a big man.

Hux looked up at him again. “How do you like it?”

“I don’t know,” answered Kylo, nervousness appearing in his voice. “I told you, I haven’t -”

Hux squeezed his thigh gently to calm him down again. “What do you do when you’re alone?” he elaborated. “Can you show me?”

A little hesitantly, Kylo reached for his own cock, and Hux paid close attention as he wrapped his hand around the head of it, pulling his foreskin back and dragging his hand down towards the base.

“Firmer at the head,” he said, giving himself another stroke as he explained. “Looser at the base. I kind of like to tease myself, keep it slow for a good while, then go fast.”

It was more of a turn on than Hux had expected, to watch Kylo touch himself and telling him what he liked. His own cock strained against the confines of his trousers, and he had to shift his position on the floor to give it some relief.

Hux lay his hand on top of Kylo’s, and he followed his movements as he slowly jerked himself off.

Testingly, Hux moved his other hand to his balls. “How about this?” he asked as he carefully cupped them, knowing how sensitive some men were in that area. He himself was not a great fan of it.

Kylo nodded. “Yes,” he said eagerly at the request, his voice thick with need now. “Squeeze them. I like that.”

Hux did as he was told, squeezing Kylo’s balls in the same rhythm that he stroked himself. He was still going slow.

“May I?” Hux asked politely for such a sordid request, a desperate need to do more to Kylo than just watch and assist.

Kylo let go of his own cock, letting Hux take over. He gave him a few lazy strokes, trying to replicate how Kylo had done it himself. Above him, Kylo closed his eyes and let out a moan, which Hux took as a sign that he was doing it right.

Hux kept at it with his hands for a while, trying to keep the pace slow enough to tease him the way he said he liked it, but not slow enough for it to get boring, carefully building up the pace. When Kylo started squirming a little, Hux finally leaned in and gave the head of his cock a stroke of his tongue. The salty taste of him, made Hux’s head swim. Above him, there was a sharp intake of breath, and he looked up to see a pair of large eyes staring back down at him. Keeping eye contact, Hux wet his lips with his tongue before he took Kylo in his mouth and sucked at him.

Kylo whimpered as Hux moved down on his cock with his mouth. There was no way he could take all of him, but he used his one hand to help him out, while his other still tended to his balls. He kept a loose grip at the base of his cock, but let his mouth work hard and fast at the top, making sure to run his tongue along the vein at the bottom of his shaft and pushing it into the slit of his glans.

“Fuck,” Kylo groaned as he grabbed a hold of the back of Hux’s head, twining his fingers into his hair and pushing him down onto his cock for further pleasure.

Hux had to let go of his balls and brace himself against his thighs so as not to choke. He pushed back against Kylo’s hand, who thankfully took the hint and let up on the pressure a little. But he continued to lead Hux and pushing up into his mouth, clearly struggling to contain himself at this point.

“I’m getting close,” said Kylo through a series of moans.

There was a part of Hux that wanted to keep going - to suck Kylo off until he came hard and spilled into his mouth, so he could swallow him down. But there was a larger part of him that wanted to be closer, to feel him near, to share in Kylo’s pleasure. So he stopped what he was doing, smiling as he saw the disappointed look on Kylo’s face, who let go of Hux’s head with a dissatisfied sigh.

Hux got to his feet, his knee now loudly complaining at having had to sit on the floor for so long.

“Get on the bed,” said Hux, nipping at Kylo’s lower lip with his teeth.

Kylo all but growled back at him, stealing a proper kiss before he settled himself on the bed.

Hux removed the rest of his own clothes, sighing in relief when his cock was finally allowed its freedom. It was shamelessly leaking precome, and Hux had to relieve himself by giving his cock a few firm strokes. He was so turned on from just working at Kylo, he knew he wouldn’t last long with what he had in mind.

Kylo watched with parted lips as Hux touched himself, and Hux couldn’t help himself from throwing his head back and running his hand through his hair just for show.

“Do you like to watch?” he asked as he crawled onto the bed towards Kylo.

“I like to watch you,” he answered, and Hux almost broke at those simple words, pressing his lips hard against Kylo’s, not able to get enough of him.

Hux straddled him, lining his own cock up right next to Kylo’s. He shuddered in pleasure as they touched, and Kylo swallowed. Hux took his hand and led it to both their cocks, wrapping it around them, his own hand on top of his. Something close to a whine escaped Kylo’s lips as he began stroking them in unison, and Hux bit down on his lower lip before he made for Kylo’s mouth again, kissing him fervently.

Kylo was able to tear himself free from Hux’s lips long enough to ask in a hoarse voice, “Will you let me in?”

Hux wasn’t even sure what he answered yes to, but he nodded eagerly, up for whatever it was Kylo wanted. And then he felt it. Kylo was inside his mind again, but this time it was stronger. He made his presence there very clear. But more than that, he could feel Kylo’s mind as well. He didn’t know what he had done, but it was as if he had opened a door between them.

With their minds connected that way, Hux could feel what Kylo felt, and Kylo must be able to feel what he felt. It was so intimate and private, so pure, and Hux could feel himself come undone by it. He was nearing his peak, and he knew Kylo was too from the heat he was feeling not just from his body, but from his mind. The build of his orgasm on top of his own was almost too much to bear.

“I can’t - fuck - help me,” he panted as he frantically clawed at Kylo’s back to keep himself upright and steady.

Kylo held him tightly with one arm as he rapidly stroked both of their cocks with a firm hand, and it was only seconds more before Hux unraveled in a mess of loud moans and shaking limbs, spilling all over Kylo’s hand and cock.

Not long after, Kylo came too, and Hux, still trembling from his own, gasped as he was hit by the mental tremors of Kylo’s orgasm as well.

Hux slumped over Kylo, no strength left in his body. He breathed heavily, rocked by the intensity of what he had just experienced.

Kylo fell back on the bed, and Hux went with him. They sprawled together in the aftermath, Hux resting his head on Kylo’s chest, feeling it rise and fall with the rhythm of his breath, and Kylo lazily stroking Hux’s hair with one hand, caressing his back with the other.

Hux had never experienced this before, this tender sweetness and absolute vulnerability. He was utterly exposed, but for once it didn’t frighten him. For once, he found comfort in it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a while to get this chapter up. I needed a bit of a break from this fic, as it can be a little heavy to write sometimes. Which is why I decided to write [Friction](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15834471/chapters/36871725) in the meantime, to break up the angst and mostly deal with fluff. But I'm back to writing this now, and I hope I can push out chapters a little bit faster from now on.

“Can I ask you something?”

Hux peered at Kylo, who was lying next to him in the large hotel bed. They had barely slept that night, instead having repeatedly revelled in each other’s bodies. At some point though, Hux had clearly fallen asleep, and at some point Kylo had showered and gotten dressed again. Although he had been comfortable enough to show Hux all of himself last night, it was clear he wasn’t comfortable staying naked for a longer time.

“Sure,” answered Kylo.

Hux turned over on his side. “How does it work?” he asked. “Your powers.”

“Oh, um…”

“Unless you don’t want to talk about it,” Hux quickly added.

Kylo shook his hair out of his face. “No, it’s fine, I’ve just never had to explain it to anyone before. Everyone around me at the Academy, knew.”

Hux waited for him to continue.

“They call it the Force,” Kylo said. “It’s the power that binds everything in the universe together; the energy in all living beings.”

“And you can control it?”

“Kind of? I see it as utilising it, not controlling it. It’s like a tool with multiple purposes. But it can be a weapon too, and a shield. I don’t think there’s a limit to what it can do, but that doesn’t mean I can do anything. There are some things I can do, other things I can’t.”

It was bizarre to hear him talk about it. This was the kind of thing that was jokingly referred to as magic, and something that Hux knew didn’t exist. Except it clearly did. He had seen it and felt it. It was as real as the bed he was lying in or the air he was breathing.

“Are there others like you?” Hux asked him. His father had told him there were, but he had no way of knowing.

“Apparently,” Kylo shrugged. “I’ve been told there are others, but I don’t know. It could be bullshit.”

Hux turned over on his back again and looked up at the ceiling.

“The energy in all living beings?” he spoke in a quiet voice, repeating what Kylo had just said.

He didn’t mean to phrase it as a question. Didn’t mean to openly put it out there that he immediately had wondered whether this Force was in him as well. It didn’t seem right that he would be connected to everything and everyone else, when he had been cut off from the world for so many years.

“It’s in you too,” Kylo confirmed. Then, “Every person is different, so the Force feels different in everyone.”

Hux was too afraid to ask, but Kylo said it anyway. “You feel like walking too deep into the woods, where it’s so quiet even the animals don’t make a sound, and everything is untouched and overgrown, but with a soft underbrush. You’re the feeling of wondering if you’re lost or not, unsure if you can remember the way back from where you came, and just as unsure if you want to, because sometimes being lost, is exactly what you want.“

Kylo’s words rolled off his tongue as if he was reading an enchanting story or a piece of beautiful poetry. Words that Hux had never heard spoken about himself. His breath hitched in his throat and he quickly blinked up at the ceiling, his eyes burning. He didn’t want to cry, not again, and he couldn’t look at Kylo for fear of that happening. Instead, he reached his hand out for him, fumbling for his. He found it and braided his fingers with his, squeezing it as hard as he managed.

 

* * *

 

“If only we could stay a little longer,” Hux said, having enjoyed being locked in the same room with Kylo for three days.

They had blissfully been able to forget everything for a little while; pretend that they were normal people living a normal life. Every meal had been ordered in and the rest of their days had been spent in bed: fucking and sleeping, sleeping and fucking.

But they had to go. Had to keep moving.

“We can’t.”

Kylo’s voice was dark as he surveyed the room to make sure they hadn’t forgotten anything (as if there was anything to forget - they only had the one backpack between them).

“I know,” said Hux, leaning on the doorframe, waiting for him.

“I’m not letting them catch me,” he continued as he looked into the bathroom.

Hux frowned a little. “I know,” he repeated.

Kylo finally came over to him. His face was hard: lips pressed together and brows even more furrowed than usual.

“Are you sure you do? Because I don’t know what lengths they’re prepared to go to to find me, but I’m not going back, Hux - ever.”

Hux let the severity of what he was saying, sink in. Kylo was right: he had to be sure. This wasn't some grand escape they were on. They weren't just a regular cadet and an officer having gone avol. They were a supersoldier with special powers and an officer that had attacked their Commandant, on the run. And although Hux was certain that what he had done was already forgotten thanks to his father, they would never let Kylo go. He was worth too much.

“I _know,”_ Hux said a third time, looking Kylo dead in the eye as he did.

Kylo kept his eyes on him for a while, until he finally nodded.

“Do you still have the car?” Hux asked Kylo when they left the hotel and came out on the pavement.

Kylo, walking with long strides, answered, “I have a car, but not the same one. I didn’t think it was particularly smart to hold onto that one after having a dead body in the trunk of it.”

“What did you do with him?” asked Hux with a morbid curiosity. As much as it had sickened him at the time, he now had a genuine need to know what had happened to the hunter.

“I dumped him and the car in the quarry when it got dark. The water was pretty deep. He’s not going to be found anytime soon, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

Hux was honestly impressed by what he had done. While he himself had clearly buckled under it, Kylo had stayed completely calm under pressure, and he had followed through with his plan.

“I’m sorry I left you. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that alone,” he said.

Kylo glanced at him. “I’m sorry I freaked you out, but I’m not sorry I killed him. He was attacking you.”

Hux sighed. “I’m not either. Not really. And I’m pretty sure he had killed people before. I found some really weird stuff at that house.”

“Weird how?”

“Tons of knives, books about flaying with notes in them, and bleach to last a decade.”

“Fuck,” breathed Kylo.

“He deserved it,” Hux said coolly. “You did the world a favour.”

Kylo gave him a smile: a smile that started out almost shyly, but had turned into a grin by the time they reached a silver SUV in the parking lot. He pulled a set of keys out of his pockets and threw them to Hux. “You can drive this time.”

 

* * *

 

Kylo had a funny way of surprising Hux. Just when he thought he had figured him out, he would turn around and do something he didn't expect. Like that time when he had danced and been good at it.

This time, it was singing.

A tune came on the radio in the car, and Kylo cranked up the volume as he belted along to it, banging his head and tapping his hands on his thighs to the rhythm.

He wasn’t the best at carrying a tune, but he clearly didn’t care. Keeping up appearances was something that wasn’t the least bit important to him. It was a refreshing point of view to Hux, who had learned to fake his way through life.

And as Kylo sang along without a care in the world, Hux couldn't help but getting a little carried away himself, and started singing too.

“We’re almost out of petrol,” Hux remarked a couple of hours later. The fuel meter was already on red.

They pulled in at the next petrol station. Kylo filled up the tank, as Hux went inside the station, empty but for the man behind the counter, to get some food they could bring with them on the road. He browsed the sparse shelves, grabbing a couple of sandwiches and bottles of water, then doubling back and grabbing two more sandwiches, because Kylo really ate a lot.

He dropped the wares on the counter.

“Will that be all?” the man behind the counter asked, ringing him up. He was probably around Hux’s own age, in his mid-twenties, looking like he was bored with his job, but glad to see a customer.

“And petrol,” Hux said, pointing a thumb to Kylo now finishing up outside.

He reached his hand into his backpack for his wallet, when his attention was caught by the television screen elevated above and behind the man. The audio was off, but it wasn’t needed. Filling up the centre of the screen, was a portrait photo of Kylo. He looked gloomy and miserable. His hair was shorter, so it was probably at least a year old, but there was no mistaking him. The text rolling across the bottom of the screen, read: WANTED. VERY DANGEROUS. DO NOT APPROACH. POTENTIALLY ARMED. CONTACT POLICE IF SEEN.

Hux stared at the screen, swallowing hard, then looked outside, watching Kylo as he walked towards the station. He tried to will him not to come inside; to turn around and go back to the car so he wouldn’t be seen. But it didn’t work.

The man behind the counter looked up at the television screen, no doubt having noticed that Hux had reacted to it, then back at Hux, frowning a little bit. The bell at the entrance sounded as Kylo walked in, and Hux could see how it slowly dawned on the man that the person just having entered his station, was the same person that was wanted on the television screen.

Hand still in his backpack, Hux dropped his wallet, and instead reached for the gun. He pulled it out quickly, pointing it at the man behind the counter.

“Put your fucking hands up, and don’t move!” he said, his voice darker and more threatening than he knew it could be.

The man immediately did as he was told, putting his hands on top of his head, his face suddenly pale.

Kylo was by Hux’s side within seconds. “What the fuck are you doing?” he hissed at him.

Hux nodded to the television, and Kylo shifted his eyes from Hux to the screen, where his own face was staring back at him. His eyes darkened and his body went rigid. Hux could see how the vein on the side of his neck pulsated, and both his hands were quickly balled up into two fists.

Hux waited for the inevitable moment when he would explode, but it never came. Instead, Kylo closed his eyes for a moment and took a few deep breaths, and by the time he opened his eyes again, he seemed perfectly calm.

“I’ll handle it,” he said, turning to Hux. “Put the gun down.”

Hux didn’t want to put the gun down. He was too furious. Seeing Kylo’s face on that screen had reminded him just how horrible the Academy really was; how horrible his father was. This was what lay behind the honour and glory he had been taught to live up to. This was what his father once wanted him to inherit.

Kylo put his hand on top of the one Hux held the gun in, pressing lightly to make him lower it. Hux resisted at first, but eventually he let in and lowered his arm.

The man behind the counter was looking at Hux with a terrified expression. He didn’t even seem concerned about Kylo anymore. Then Kylo reached his arm out, made a small wave of his hand, and the man collapsed to the floor.

Still angry, but also a little confused, Hux asked, “What did you do?”

“He’s just unconscious,” explained Kylo, already on his way behind the counter. “Watch the door, will you, while I find a place to put him.”

Hux stood himself by the entrance. He watched Kylo as he lifted the man up from the floor behind the counter and carried him through a door behind it. Hux assumed there was an office there.

Kylo returned only a moment later.

“Grab the stuff on the counter,” Hux told him. Then he marched out of the petrol station and got back in the car. He fired up the engine, waiting for Kylo.

“What the fuck was that?” Kylo asked him, once he was in the car too and Hux had sped off.

“That was me making sure he didn’t call the police,” Hux sneered back at him.

“By pulling a gun on him?”

“I clearly wasn’t going to fire it!”

“I would have handled it if you just waited.”

“Well, you handled it anyway, didn’t you?” Hux spat at him.

“Why the fuck are you mad at me for?” Kylo fired back.

“I’m not angry!” Hux almost yelled at him. Then, realising how angry he clearly was, he corrected himself in a calmer voice, “I’m not angry at _you.”_

“Then what?” Kylo’s palms where turned up in a questioning manner.

“I’m angry because your face was the only face on that television screen. Not mine, and it’s all because of my father. I should be wanted too! I’m as much a part of this as you are!”

Kylo grimaced at him, shaking his head. “No, Hux, you shouldn’t, and you’re not! It’s a good thing that the Commandant isn’t implicating you.”

“Fucking bullshit!” Hux slammed the flat of his hand into the steering wheel. “The only reason he’s not implicating me is because it would make him look bad. He’s probably told everyone that you kidnapped me. But if he’s going to pull that shit, then I’m going to make it hard for him to prove I’m not a willing participant in this.”

Kylo sighed. He leaned back in the car seat and his voice was eerily calm when he said, “It won’t be hard for him.”

“He can’t deny what I just did back there!”

“He can’t deny it, but he can still blame it on me.”

“How is he going to do that, when I was the obvious instigator? It’s clearly going to show on the security tapes that _you_ stopped _me._ ”

Kylo made a little huff, almost a laugh, and when he spoke again he sounded sad. “Because he can say that I used my powers to control you.”

Hux’s anger rapidly subsided at those words. “What? You can do that?”

Perhaps it shouldn’t come as a surprise to him that Kylo could control other people. He knew that he could read minds, make people pass out, and could kill with a flick of his wrist. But fact was, he didn’t know the true extent of his powers. Although, thinking back, this did make sense. Kylo had multiple times “convinced” people to give him things. This must be how.

Next to him, Kylo turned silent. He only nodded, and then he seemed to almost shrink a little as he crossed his arms in front of him and turned to look out the window.

Hux drove until the next exit came up, where he pulled off. A few minutes later, he stopped the car at an abandoned rest stop and turned the engine off.

“What did they make you do?” Hux asked Kylo carefully, his voice gentle.

Kylo didn’t answer at first. He just sat there, staring out the window. Hux didn’t want to push him in any way, so instead he unbuckled his own seatbelt, leaned his head back on the head rest and waited.

Eventually, Kylo uncrossed his arms, instead looking at his hands and picking at his nails. He started speaking in a low, monotone voice. “They would sometimes bring in cadets from the Academy, and they would make me control them. Mostly it was just little things. Having them spill some personal secrets or go against orders they normally wouldn’t.”

He took a deep, shaky breath before he continued. “But every once in a while, I had to hurt them. I made them want to hurt themselves and each other. I made them fight, and sometimes… kill each other.”

Hux closed his eyes for a second. “Kylo,” he began. “You didn’t do that. They made you do that.”

“I could have told them no,” he said in a dark voice.

“Could you?”

“I should have.” He gave Hux a quick glance. His eyes were glassy. “But I was scared of what they would do if I did.”

Hux didn’t know what to say to him to make him feel better about this. He didn’t know if there was anything to say - if there were words that could in any way cover up and wash away the clear guilt and shame Kylo felt about something he never had any control over in the first place. So instead of speaking, he put one hand on top of Kylo’s in his lap and another on his shoulder, and gently nudged at him to come closer.

At first it seemed like he didn’t want to get close, but then he leaned in, burying his face in the crook of Hux’s neck. He clung to him, his arms so tight around Hux’s back it was a little difficult to breathe. But Hux didn’t say anything. He just let Kylo do what he needed to do.

His grip loosened after a while, but he only pulled back far enough to find Hux’s lips, his desperate embrace turning into equally desperate kisses. He tugged at Hux, who climbed out of the driver’s seat and into Kylo’s lap on the passenger side.

Hurriedly, Kylo tore at Hux’s trousers, and Hux got himself out of them while Kylo pushed his own down. He slicked two fingers with his own spit, found Hux’s hole, and pushed both into him at once. Hux gasped at the sudden intrusion, but breathed through it, grabbing onto Kylo’s shoulders.

Kylo impatiently fucked him with his fingers, until Hux breathed at him, “Wait.”  
  
He pulled his fingers out and Hux scrambled for the backpack in the backseat, retreving the bottle of lube they now kept in it. He handed it to Kylo.

"Go on," he told him.  
  
Kylo grabbed the bottle and slicked himself with its contents, before he lifted Hux up and onto his cock, making Hux gulp at the share size of him. He pushed in deep and hard, going fast right from the start, and all Hux could do was hold onto him.

It was over as quickly as it had started, and Hux didn’t come, but that was fine. This wasn’t about him. This was about Kylo and what he needed to comfort himself with in this moment.

They sat joined together, Kylo panting into Hux’s chest, and Hux running his fingers gently through his hair.

 

* * *

 

They were back on the road less than half an hour later, and it didn’t take very long before Kylo fell asleep in the passenger seat. Hux let him sleep as long as he needed, continuing to drive in silence.

Kylo was groggy when he woke up again, but he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and gave Hux a weak smile. He then reached his hand out and squeezed his thigh.

Hux smiled back at him.

“I think it would be smart if we changed the way we look,” Hux pointed out.

“Yeah,” Kylo agreed, yawning. “We should get rid of this car too. It was probably caught on the security cameras back at the station.”

“How do we… how do _you_ do that? Get cars, I mean.”

Kylo shrugged. “I just tell the driver to give it to me.”

“Just like that?”

“Well, I get inside their heads and make them think it's my car, and then make sure they don't remember my face after.”

“Wow,” Hux let out. “That’s very handy.” Then, “Can I come with you when you do it?”

Kylo raised his eyebrows at him. “You want to watch me play mind tricks on people?”

“I’m just curious to how it works. Nothing weird,” Hux assured him.

“Fine. Pull in at the next stop, and we’ll get what we need.”

They didn’t have to drive too far before the road signs pointed them to a shopping centre off the next exit.

“Park over there,” said Kylo, pointing at the very end of the parking lot.

Hux did as he was told. They took everything with them from the car, then went inside to a drug store to get some supplies first. They browsed the shelves, trying to find something suitable for a makeover.

“I’m not shaving my head,” Hux said, glaring at a pack of disposable razors and a can of shaving cream Kylo had picked up.

“I somehow figured you wouldn't. They’re for me.” He grabbed a pair of scissors as well, then trailed down the aisle and picked up a pack of brown hair dye. He showed it to Hux. “How about this?”

Hux considered it. It wouldn’t exactly be a radical change for him to dye his hair, but considering his natural red mane, it would probably be effective enough.

“I can work with that,” he said and snatched the pack out of Kylo’s hands.

They paid for their things and went outside again. Kylo stood himself a little way away from the entrance to the shopping centre, where he had a good view. Hux waited next to him, watching.

Kylo’s eyes carefully surveyed the people that entered and exited the centre. “I need to see who owns the car before I take it. I don’t want to accidentally screw over an entire family or something,” he explained.

That made sense, Hux thought. If they were going to take someone’s car, take it from someone who needed it the least.

After a while, a fairly fit man in his early forties who was talking on the phone, came out of the shopping centre alone, carrying a plastic bag from a clothing shop.

“Let’s go,” said Kylo.

Hux and Kylo followed him to a dark blue sedan. They waited for him to hang up his phone before they moved in closer. The man, wearing a casual button-up and pressed trousers, jumped a little when he noticed them suddenly standing next to him.

“Can I help you?” he asked, looking mostly at Kylo, clearly intimidated.

“This isn’t your car,” Kylo said casually with a face showing no emotion.

The man blinked a few times, then said, “This isn’t my car.”

“This is our car, so give me the keys you’re holding.”

The man handed Kylo his keys without question, and Hux’s jaw dropped a little.

“Your car,” continued Kylo, “is over there.” He pointed to the car they had just abandoned at the end of the parking lot. “Take the keys from the nice man right there, get in it and drive to wherever it is you are going.”

“My car is over there,” the man repeated, holding his hand out to Hux.

Hux dropped the car keys into the man’s palm and watched him, absolutely stunned, as he walked away.

“Holy shit,” said Hux under his breath. If he hadn’t just witnessed the display, he would never have believed it.

“He won’t remember anything. And it doesn't hurt him,” Kylo pointed out.

“I know you’d never do it, if it did,” Hux assured him. Considering what Kylo had told him earlier, he thought it important to let him know this.

 

* * *

 

Their new car took them to another motel a few hours later, where they could take their time to change their appearances.

Hux was in the bathroom mixing the hair dye, when Kylo came in, holding the scissors in one of his hands.

“Before you dye it, can I ask a favour?”

“I suppose,” Hux answered.

Kylo walked close to him and ran the hand that wasn’t holding the scissors slowly through Hux’s hair to the nape of his neck, where he let it rest.

“I love the colour of your hair,” he said with admiration in his voice. “Can I cut off a small lock of it while it’s still like this?”

Hux was a little confused by his request. “Why would you want a lock of my hair?”

“Because I want to have a piece of you,” he explained. He ran his thumb over the hairline at the back of Hux’s head.

He was so open and unashamed about asking for it, and although Hux still didn’t quite understand the need for him to have it, he nodded.

Hux watched in the mirror as Kylo brought the scissors to his head and carefully cut a small lock of hair from one of the inner layers. When he was done, he pulled a short cord from his pocket and tied it around the end of it, before tucking the lock securely into the pocket of his jeans. Then he took the scissors to his own hair, cut off a piece at the front and tied the last bit of cord around it.

“Here,” he said to Hux, handing him the lock of hair. “So you have a piece of me too.”

Hux accepted the strange gift, leaving it on the sink for now, but he would later make sure to put it in one of the pockets of his wallet for safekeeping.

The dye job was easy enough for Hux to do on his own. He was satisfied with the result when he finished, and surprised to find that the colour change had made more of a difference than he originally thought. He had made sure to dye his eyebrows as well, but knew it was futile to try to do anything with the beard he had grown so far, so he decided to shave it all off again.

“Wow,” said Kylo when he came out of the bathroom, his hair still wet after having washed the dye out in the shower, and only pushed loosely away from his face.

“Does it look okay?”

“I’m the wrong man to answer that question.”

Hux arched a questioning eyebrow at him. “How so?”

“Because,” answered Kylo, moving over to him and wrapping his arms around his waist, “I am terribly, terribly partial and will never think you look anything short of hot as fuck.”

Hux smirked at him, allowing Kylo to give him a sound kiss.

“Will you help me with mine?” asked Kylo, tugging at his own hair.

“Sure.”

Kylo brought the simple wooden chair sitting in the corner of the motel room, into the bathroom and sat down on it. “Cut it all off,” he said.

“Are you sure?” Hux asked, realising he asked more for his own sake than Kylo's. He had, funnily enough, come to really like his dark, luscious mane.

“Yeah. Just do it. It'll grow out again,” Kylo answered decisively.

Slowly, Hux cut off Kylo's hair in small chunks, letting it fall to the tiled bathroom floor. He did it as evenly as he could, even though he knew it didn't matter that much, considering Kylo wanted to shave the rest off after.

He was about halfway, when Kylo suddenly said, “My name isn't Kylo.”

Hux stopped with the scissors halfway cutting into a new lock of his hair. “What?”

Kylo (or not Kylo?) met Hux's eyes in the mirror. He was dead serious. “Kylo Ren is the name Project Harvester gave me.”

Hux found himself dumbfounded by this information, despite the fact that it made a lot of sense. He had thought that Kylo was a bit of a strange name, but not strange enough to comment on it.

“Um,” he began, cutting through the rest of the lock he had started on, “what is your real name?”

“Ben,” he said. “Ben Solo.”

The name sounded familiar to Hux somehow. He digged through his memory and was taken back to their second day on the run together, when they had been picked up by that insufferable driver. Hux had introduced himself as Bill, and Kylo as… Ben. At the time, he had thought that he had used a random name to cover up his real one, while in actuality he had used his real name to cover up his Project Harvester name.

Kylo, or Ben (Hux didn't know), didn't say anything more, and Hux continued cutting his hair in silence. When everything was cut, and only a short buzz was left, Hux put the scissors down.

“Do you want me to call you that?” he asked as he picked up the can of shaving cream, squeezing a generous amount into his hand and spreading it evenly across Kylo's head.

Kylo watched him as he wet one of the disposable razors in the sink and carefully shaved the first strip.

“I don’t know,” he answered, “No one has called me that in years. I don’t know if it’s my name anymore; if it fits.”

Hux shaved a couple more strips with the razor, more and more of Kylo's hair steadily disappearing down into the drain. When he once again put the razor to his head, Hux spoke in a soft voice, “Ben.”

He tasted the name. It felt different in his mouth than Kylo. Kylo was a little rough, a restraining push at the back of his palate. Ben was a soft press of his lips. Two so different names for the exact same person.

Kylo made a long sigh at the sound of his other name, as if something heavy was released from somewhere deep inside him.

Hux kept shaving him. Between every strip of hair he made disappear, he repeated the name again.

_Ben._

Until he made the final stroke with the razor, shaving off the very last bit of hair at the back of his head.

Hux dried him off with a towel, then wrapped his arms around his neck, bending down to let his cheek rest against his.

“Ben,” he repeated one last time as their eyes met in the mirror again.

He looked at Hux with lips parted and eyebrows slanted, an almost mournful expression on his face, and Hux wondered what type of memories the name triggered in him. He had so many questions he wanted to ask about his past: about how he got to Project Harvester; about where he had been before; about his family - if he had any. But he didn't want to push him, so he would patiently wait for him to share in his own time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Lord. Kylo - I mean, Ben, is such a wreck, but still somehow so sweet. He latches onto whatever love he can get, as he hasn't had much before. Hux is trying to be his protector, and he's surprisingly good at it considering he doesn't really know what he's doing.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want, you can follow me on [tumblr](http://heresetrash.tumblr.com/) :)


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